Glad Christmas is over with.

First off, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I was not at all into Christmas this year. I had purchased gifts ahead of time in our old house, thinking about getting ready for Christmas ahead of time. Then I had to rebuy stuff and just all of my beautiful Christmas stuff being gone..it was just too much. Thankfully we had the trip booked to Vegas. It was a true blessing. We had a great time. For the first time in almost 2 months, I was actually happy. Actually more then 2 months as I was sick with pregnancy all of Oct. Anyhow, it was a great getaway. We needed it more then we knew. We slept good. We enjoyed family time. It was hard the day we were leaving because we knew that we had to face reality again. For some reason, this house isn't 'home' for me yet. I mean it will take a while, I know that but still its not comfortable. I guess its because none of these things in this house are ours. Its weird. We have no attachment to this stuff or this house. Anyhow, I still dont' sleep good in here. I was thinking since we slept so well in Vegas maybe we should have opted out of renting this house and just stayed in a hotel suite the whole time but I know this is better. I feel for the kids. Especially Kennedy who is an outside kid...days like today when its nice out she would be playing with ALL of the neighborhood kid but instead she is here, inside. The summer will be harder for her since she use to be out 9am-9pm. But we will see...I wish it would feel better soon. I didn't take one picture on my camera the whole trip. I'm so so angry about my scrapbooks still. My mom bought me a scrapbook kit and I think I will return it. I'm just so mad that my hard work and my pride is gone. I did get back quite a few pictures but still....I'm not sure what to do with them. My sister suggested putting them into photoalbums but they are cut as they were scrapbooked at one time. *sigh*

I'm feeling pretty down, to be honest. I just don't know what else to do. I am soooo thankful that we are all safe. I 'get' that. But I'm just so sad. I hate feeling like this. My dad was telling me in time it will feel better and we will be happy again...but man..2 months is a long time to be so sad. It hurts everyday. Its a loss, and I know I'm still greiving the loss of my house. I wish I could do something to get over this. Not even to have my house back, but just to feel better soon. I'm so scared to sleep here, I'm worried I will sleep too well and not wake up in case something happens, I wish the fire didn't happen while we slept. I was going to ask my dr for something to help me sleep but I know I won't be able to take it...for fear that I won't wake up. I know the idea of another fire happening to us is rare..but still you never know. It could take a neighbors house and then ours...this yard isn't fenced, what if someone starts a fire to this house? Ugh...its horrible...absolutely horrible living in fear. I fear so much now...its stupid. I wish I can go back to me. I miss me so much...my life was so good. I looked at pictures of my blog from last summer...the yard and inside the house pictures...I already forget some of the things about that house...and I don't want to forget it. I still can't believe I will never ever be in that house again...

I know my posts are just a repeat of what I have already said. But I still feel like this. What else CAN I do? How can I move forward...just with time everyone tells me...time will make it better. I don't want to be stuck here in this spot anymore...I 'want' to move forward...

I'm going to go ahead with counselling for me...and the kids. Kennedy needs it...she cries often about missing the house, and bawls instantly when she sees pictures of the house...its heartbreaking...she doesn't understand why bad stuff happens to us....I try to tell her how good of a life we have...but she ends up talking about she's the only one who has to take enzymes in her glass and she hates it and hates having CF and its bad...and then the house. She's feeling sorry for herself...and I can't blame her. At least in the end, we have our health...she fights to breath most days...its not fair. Really, its not.

Anyhow. Fabian's brother has the kids at a movie. Which is really good...Fabe and I are relaxing...the hosue is a mess. We need to go buy some totes to put our Christmas stuff away in....start the whole collection again. Its good to see the kids with stuff in their rooms again...it makes them feel better...

I am looking forward to a New Year...I look forward to the joy of getting that excitement of building a new house...hopefully we feel excited...I look forward to putting this incident behind us...and thinking about other things besides the 'house, the house'...and I hope that we have a happy year...and hopefully getting my memory to be better as I can't remember anything anymore...its horrible but I have been told its a side effect of severe trauma...hopefully it gets better...but I really hope that 2009 is a good year for us...I am hoping to volunteer somewhere on a regular basis...not sure where but I need to do something 'helpful' again...

I was sad to hear about another house fire...Christmas day...very sad. House is gone...another family going through this again...ugh. So sad...every fire will hit me very hard. Firefighters were injured in this fire, thankfully they got out without major injuries...I still think about the Sherwood Park people too and I wonder how they are coping...verrrrry sad...

These days...

These days are going okay for us. I've been down for a little while, since I heard about the Sherwood Park fire. I was so sad to hear that more people are victims of fires. Its so sad knowing that out there, not far away are people feeling helpless...like we were feeling not long ago. I hate knowing that people are hurting like we were. I don't wish this to ANYone...not even my worst 'enemy' (which I don't have one) but still. I would never want anyone to go through this. Its horrible...but the first few days are the worst. The day it happened, early hours Sunday we were just in shock...but come that night and checking into a hotel..it was becoming too real. For the FIRST time in my whole entire life..staying in a hotel was 'home'...it was so hard knowing that we didn't have a home to go 'home' to when we checked out of the hotel. The feeling of having 'nothing' is a bad bad feeling.

I'm very very overwhelmed.....there is just so much going on in my life...I need a day off. Honestly.

1) the daycare, we have a open house tomorrow night. Means the daycare has to be completely perfect and clean and ready to go...then we run 3 more in the next week or so. So we have been trying to get that all done, which entails tons of shopping and putting stuff together and so on....its brutal.

2) Vegas. We booked it in May, for Christmas. Our passport (which they pulled out of our house) are water damaged. So much so that they won't let us travel with them. So, we went to reapply...and we couldn't because Fabe has to apply for a Canadian Citizen card again...(his was never found) so we had to do that...register mail it and get proof that we have sent it....so we did passport pictures...and then because our passports are damaged we had to swear in how they were damaged and fill out a Declaration of damaged passport form..which we needed a commissioner to sign....so we had to find one...ugh....

3) House stuff. We are battling with the insurance company....they want to keep the damaged foundation....and they want us to have quotes for building a new hosue...but no builders will build on a damaged foundation....or even on a repaired one. They have to completely replace 1 wall and reapir one other wall. Everyone says just to rip it all off and start from fresh....so we have been trying to find a hosue to build....under pressure. Its not 'fun' as we built the house we wanted....we dont' want to do this again.

4) I'm feeling really sad about sending Bandit to the kennel....really sad. He's been through SO much....and he will be so sad sitting in a kennel for 1 week :o(

5) Christmas stuff...I miss my decorations....all the 'babys first christmas' things we hung on the 'kids tree' all of their things they made...and yeah...just so much...

6) Christmas shopping.....not nearly where I should be....

7) I've been thinking about my scrapbooks and photos....I worked so hard on them...and they are gone :o( I loved making them...I loved all my pictures I took. I loved my scrapbook area....

So much.....its so hard to move on....

update....-

Well life is still hectic. On Wenesday morning Kennedy woke up with tummy pains. This is not something new for us, as she has chronic tummy pains and especially in the mornings. So she continued on with her regular routine of getting ready in the morning but the more she moved around the more she was in pain. Like pain-pain. I (of course) said that she can stay home for the morning and we will see how she is doing by the afternoon. So I packed her up and off we went to the daycare. She didn't look well so I assumed that she had a flu. So, I made her a bed at the daycare and I went on with my work there. She slept and played her ds. By 11am she felt like she would be able to do lunch. So she ate her thermos of lunch and quickly puked it up. While she was up and about she was doubled over in pain, crying. I got her to lay down, and she slept again. She woke up at 2pm and felt hungry and had a handful of peas in a pod. Fast, she threw them up again. She was walking to the bathroom to puke but wasn't even able to walk as she was in SO much pain. We went to the bathroom and I noticed TMI her puke was pure bile. I called the CF clinic and luckily it was clinic day so they got us in. We headed over to the U of A and saw our doctor who immediately said he was admitting her. There was no beds, so he sent us to emergency. We got to emerg, along with the CF nurse. We got checked in, saw the doctor who said she was just constipated and ordered an enema. He waved off the lump that concerned our doctor and the fact it was unreal pain for her. However in a hospital bed, not moving too much she was fine. She had soup, and kept it down. So they let us out (after the one enema) on our way out the door...the pain began from walking...the doctor saw this and stopped us and said that he would like to do another enema. So we did that. Nothing passed. It didn't do anything. We finally left. We went to bed at 11pm and Kennedy woke me up and 4am complaining about her tummy and said she 'felt like crap'. So I got up with her, got her settled into bed again. 4:30am I could hear her puking in the bathroom. She was in so much pain. Fabe couldn't believe the pain she was in. We made her a bath at 5:30am to try to help the pain. She was puking so much and screaming in pain. I left a message for the CF staff again. They called at 9am (after hours of pain and puking) and they were SO mad that we even got sent home. Our cf dr called me, and heard her in the background. He said that she has an obstruction and to get back to emerg and he was going to walk down there himself and tell them she needs to be treated. So we went there again...we got there at 9:30am. We SAT in emerg for hours and hours...she was in pain and puking there but a little with resting in bed. She slept on and off. Finally we had an ultrasound...and then sat again down in emerg. It was brutal!!!!! At 5:30pm they did an IV. Then at 10:30pm they said that she has 400 mls of this drink to drink every hour. I was SO pissed off that they wanted us to start this NOW at this time of night after sitting there ALL day doing nothing. I was soooooo mad. She drank the first glass and puked it up. Her pain was totally increasing. They finally ended up attemping to put an NG tube in. She was FREAKING out, and they stuck it into her lung. It was HORRIBLE to see this. She was trying to breathe and choking and coughing..it was sooooooooooo horrible. They took it out and left us for a while longer. At midnight they came in with another nurse who put it in and she was great and gentle and took the time to talk to Kennedy and calm her down. It went in and the fluid began going in. But her pain was just unreal. She was so tired. She would fall fast asleep and then wake up 7-9 mins later in pain. It was like contractions. It was brutal. This went on, and I requested pain meds....they came in with liquid tylenol. I was like 'what will this do for her? she is in extreme pain!!" Soon 4 am came (24 hours up for the both of us!) and she was done. She was saying things like "I don't think I will make it mommy!" and stuff like that...she was in soooooo much pain. Finally I went out to the dr and told him to give her something...he said he would look into it. Another hour went by and he knew full well that she was in so much pain as his desk was right outside of our room. I went out there, bawling....and told him that I was going to loose it. I told him, that no one should have to undertake that amount of pain and not have anything for it. I told him she is puking non stop and that the tylenol would do nothing for her anyhow. Finally, I told him to get her something now. The nurse came in with Morphene by her IV. It knocked her rightout....we slept from 5:30am-7:45am until they moved us upstairs. Up there, we couldn't sleep either as the nurses on the ward did the admission forms and then the dr's came in and blah blah blah. I was soooooo done. She passed some small amount of 'stuff' but the pain remained a little bit but NOTHING like before. I think the pain meds helped her bowel to relax as well. My dr had already consulted surgery to see us, thank GOD we didn't have to do that. I thought for sure we were going to have too, as it was 'that' bad. I have never seen her (or any other child) in that much pain. And Kennedy has a high pain tolerance. She lives with tummy pains all of the time. It takes ALOT for her to be 'sick'. Cf has never kept her down....ever.

We choose to leave Friday night. They told us a few days in there, but once things started to pass we signed out early.

Saturday my sister was down. But I went shopping for the day with a friend. I needed to buy some Christmas stuff and some clothing. I miss my Christmas stuff so bad. I had all of the "Baby's First Christmas" and stuff from when I was little. I had beautiful stuff for Christmas. I prided on my stuff. Actually I miss my kitchen stuff too, alot. There is just so much that I miss. Shopping was really hard on me. Again, something that I use to enjoy. But it was so hard. Every item reminded me of the things that we had. Sure, its things that can be replaced. But even the feeling I got from those things, seeing those things or the smell of those things. I never realized that I loved my house so much. The other day, I walked through the house. It really really depressed me and I haven't been back there since...about a week ago now. I went upstairs to all of the rooms...it is just so sad. I was in my room and I just thought that if that lady wasn't with me, I would love to crawl into my bed and get under those blankets and just enjoy the feeling of 'home'. The feeling of trusting the house...feeling totally safe in there. I was thinking about when we first built that house. It took me about 2-3 years to get past the feeling of being scared in there. And it was a huge milestone being able to stay there while Fabe was in training in Calgary and then again in Salt Lake City. It will take me a long time to be use to this house....then we will move back over there then I have to trust a house again...this is years of my life. I've now been a victim of a break in (while home) and now a house fire (while home). I use to not be able to sleep due to scared of someone breaking in...but now I'll be scared of that and a fire. I meet stupid odds, I really do. We are doing okay. The kids are adjusting well now. I think I am okay. Today I thought about the pictures that I dont have from camping this summer. What a waste on scrapbooks. I had to peel pictures out of my pretty scrapbook pages of the kids...they are cut to suit certain pages but now they are just pictures. At least I have them, I know...but its a tiny pile...compared. I went to Old Navy to buy some clothes tonight and saw Micheals store. A place I use to love and loooooved walking about in there thinking about the scrapbook stuff. I had recently bought a whole bunch of the things there for scrapbooking as I knew that I would be at home and more time to do it. I lost ALL of my books too...I had a pretty good collection of them.

Anyhow, I think that I am doing okay. I have been working on the daycare lots now....and its looking really great. Its very nice. We are very very close of being all done. Come January we will be busy with that. We have so much to do...everyday we figure out something else that we need to buy. At least I have more then 3 pairs of pants now.

Tomorrow night Kennedy and I are going to see Carrie Underwood. I'm very happy we did this. We both really need a night away to enjoy. Not a night of shopping and doing running around...

Mack had his 12th birthday party sleepover Friday night...I at least got to be there for a while. He had a great time...

Anyhow, thats the update for now...hopefully there is no issue with blogger to post it as its a HUGE update...

And thank you so very very very very much to every single of one of you...you have given of yourselves to us....in this time of need. I'm not a good taker, at all. I don't like to take help. I like to help. Its been very hard for me to accept help...but thank you for you who have given (material things) or given (supportive). It means so very much...I don't know what I would have without you guys!!! So thank you again....100000000 times...

Today was a bad day :o(

Today I had a really bad day. The morning was fine and good...but once I went to the house...our house...I was so sad. I just wanted to be there so badly. I saw some totes in the garage and I was so happy. I got permission from the supervisor (on the phone) to go into the garage and see the totes. I almost died when I saw Kennedys scrapbook all melted together...as one big hard lump. It was sooooo sad. I almost died. Then it only got worse when there was Mack's albums sitting in totes full of water. WATER! They did nothing but totally reassure me that MY pictures will be their TOP priority. I was so sad and mad. All of my albums are trashed. I bawled. It was soooooo upsetting. I held hope in those albums down in the basement but I didn't know that they would actually be burnt. We did manage to get some photos out of there...thankfully. Some of Kennedy's baby pics. But her NICU album...the ONLY pics I have of her first month of life was really soaked and bad. Its horrible having no control of your stuff. Then a guy on site, some 20-something year old told me 'you can't be here!" and I was taken back. I told him I spoke to Mike and he okay'd it. Actually, he okay'd it for us to enter into the house...as the floor was stabalized finally. But we didn't even make it that far. I started to load up the totes and a lady (working there) came over and told me I can't take anything from the house. I told her that I'm not going to have my pictures sitting there...soaking in totes full of water...and I will take them and dry them out myself. Then some guy, comes over to me...he was the site supervisor...and told me that they take the most care for pictures. I was confused...how do you claim to take such good care of photos when they are SITTING in water!!!??? I don't care about ANYthing else in the house...pictures. Thats all that I want. PICTURES! Then he said 'do you want my help or not?" I said 'no, I will do it myself!" and loaded them up. Then he came over and said "you know, we had a fire at a school-thats why we didn't get to your pictures yet!" I was so pissed off. A fire at a school...OVERNIGHT...a friggin portable. BIIIIG damn fricken deal. 400,000 damage. Wow, big crappen deal. Your telling *me* this? Like I shouldn't care about my life possessions? I should care about a stupid school portable. Sorry-not likely. My neighbors Rachel and Jennifer saw me so upset. I was telling them about it and the first little jerk guy...slammed his tool down and said "you know, can you stop nagging already?" I started BAWLING. My neighbors were taken back. I told him, you know I am not even talking to you and I am angry! I'm venting to my neighbors and not you! and he said "well God, shut up already!" I just wanted to hop the fence and slap his childish little face. I am ANGRY. I'm a BITCH. I told him maybe he should consider another job where he doesn't need to have compassion. I told him my house is gone and everything in it. Sorry, I don't agree with his crew raking the grass or sweeping the driveway...pick through my DAMN pictures and make themselves useful. Then he piped up and pointed to my face "do you know that I was here until 9pm the other night taking out 4 boxes of pictures for you?" My neighbor said "did you get paid for that?" and he said "yeah" she said "well then don't act like you are doing anyone a favor. thats your job...fire and water restoration!" and he said something else...HAD to have the last word. I finally said..your kidding me..your arguing with me..you saw the inside of my house...you know that we have NOTHING left and your sitting here trying to argue with me? Nice. It was a bad bad day. I was to the point that if they weren't going to go in, I would. But it would kill me. Fabe went upstairs today and said its really really bad. We didn't think it was 'that' bad. But he said "Tara, its really bad!" and took pics with his cell phone. I don't want to bother. I don't want to even look in there. I stood in the living room today and it was horrible. Just devastating. I keep asking myself if this is real? I can't believe that my house is burnt down. Soon, they will just bulldoze it. My baby. My everything. What I would give to crawl into that bed. Or sit down and scrapbook in my room. How I had it so organzied and set up. All of the hours that I enjoyed scrapbooking. Its just so so sad. I dont' know if I will scrapbook anymore. Honestly. It feels like this pit in my stomach will never let up. I can't look back to the blog of house stuff. It will break my heart and its already broken. My mom called in the midst of this all. She knew that I was bawling...she came over. She saw the burnt stack of pictures...she saw the unidentifiable things...things that I don't even know what they are or where they came from. Just moulds of plastic melted together.

Today I got a great package...it had lunch kits. It made me cry even seeing those. The kids have been taking Walmart bags! And Freezer packs! Just perfect!!!! The kids were super happy! Everyone has been great. Yesturday they got some gift cards for their favorite stores. Makes me feel happy that people have thought about what they like...thank you to all...honestly. Stuff is nice, but thoughts are great too! I'm happy to think that they will have clothing in their closets now...and posters for their walls...lunchkits for their lunches..Kennedy had 18 Webkins from her last hospital stay in June...only 5 months ago was she in there. And I thought about how horrible life was back then...stuck in the U of A for 2 weeks. That was horrible enough...but still this is nothing compared to that. What a bad year it has been for us. Really...I'm going to be happy to get rid of this year....Kennedy was so sick...then the unplanned pregnancy, then losing the baby, then the fire..so much in only 5 months. Then I wonder, what did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why us? I try to be a good person, I really do. I hurt when people are hurting...I am sad when people are sad...I really try to help people when I can. I dont get it. Why me....

Anyhow, tomorrow we are suppose to get furniture...we'll see. I'm worried about sleeping in a house. But I will be happy to get out of here!!! the kids seem better...they are scared though too. I guess time will tell.

Friday.

I use to be so happy whenever Friday came around. This weekend is not going to be a happy one...we will try to keep ourselves busy. We have the keys to the house already but since we don't have any furniture yet we cannot move in. Its so annoying. We are stuck in this stupid hotel room. Its a room (tiny) with 2 double beds. All it has is a bar fridge. We have to live out of this room. Making the kid's lunches is not easy with only a tiny fridge to store stuff. I keep forget to buy some freezer packs. And the poor kids are using Walmart bags for lunchkits. I feel so sad for them. Ugh. I drove by the house last night. I worked at the daycare all day on trying to get that up and done...so much to do there too. We are hoping to have it all finished painting this weekend. We have too. Our goal is to open Jan 1st so there is SO much to do...and buy. Our house, its so sad going there. I bawled uncontrollably while I was there last night. Bandit knows our street and he was soooo happy to be going 'home' but when he jumped out of the car and couldn't get into the area, as the fence is all the way around the property. It was sad. He just wants more then anything too, to be at home. The feeling is so horrible. Like a death. Something you constantly think about and miss. Just the things that we took for granted. The feeling of pulling into the garage and walking in the front door...feeling like 'ahhhh, I'm home'. Or the warmth of the fireplace burning in the livingroom. Just so much. I hate this feeling. Buts its a horrible one, feeling like all of your most important belongings are gone. Things you worked so hard to buy, things you thought about 'should we buy it?" we JUST bought our new bedroom furniture only a few months ago. We finally finished the bedroom. And it looked so good. Painting my house was a horrible chore..but it was so worth it. I was so proud of my accomplishment and it was something we have been saying for so long that we needed to do, and I finally did it. I picked each color...3 different colors. Ugh.

Today the carpets are getting cleaned at the new rental house. Its a beautiful house too. And it will be fine. Its very secure. But not a fenced backyard...and an alley runs back there. I will be anxious about that. But once it snows and I can see footprints I will feel better. But its has security cameras and motion detectors that tell you if/when something is back there. So it should be okay. Its a home. We are frusterated that our stuff could be possibly saved and no one is taking it out!!! They were working on making the basement beans safer as they all burnt and the kitchen floor and hallway is very unsafe....a fire fighter fell through. We have a HUGE hole in the middle of our kitchen....therefore that house is off limits to anyone until the floor is more safe to walk on. Then they said they will take out what they can. I am soooo worried about my photoalbums and scrapbooks. I miss scrapbooking so much. I only finally bought the Cricut a few weeks ago...only used it 2 times since all the stuff going on prior to the fire was going on. But I had a few pages gone up, of our trip to Canmore and stuff like that done. I can't believe my pictures and albums might be all gone. They did take out a few from the living room...but thats all. Even our wedding picture was really damaged. I know things can only get better from here but I don't see an end in sight. I always have a feeling of saddness. I always feel so down. I hardly take calls anymore. I can't bear to talk to anyone. I break down too much.

Yesturday, some wonderful people gave us stuff. Its amazing how much people come together in times like this. Especially people that dont really know you. Giving things, sending a daily message to say they are thinking of you, cards, etc....its wonderful to know. 5 days ago we lost everything that meant anything to us...and peoples lives goes on...but ours has done nothing but stand still...I hope to be happy again...

What a horrible life I have....

Just a few days ago I was so excited about my new opportunity as a daycare owner. The next day, Nov 1st I worked from 8am-11pm on my new daycare. The whole family was there and things were so much fun. We returned home at 11pm and Fabe and Mack went up stairs. I let the dog out, Kennedy warmed up a Boost. Fabe and I watched tv for a little while in bed, in our room while Mack was on his computer in his room. Kennedy was laying in her bed watching tv. Just before 12am we put the kids to bed and turned off the tv ourselves and went to bed. We planned to be at the daycare early the next day to work, work and work some more. At about 3am I woke up to a weird crackling sound. I layed there listening for a while and noticed our house seemed rather light...for that time of the night and the sound was only getting louder and louder...I immediately woke up Fabian and told him someone was doing 'something' to our windows downstairs. He grabbed his glasses and took off downstairs and began to scream 'get out of the house, get out of the house!!!" and I thought someone was in there...I went to the stairwell and noticed the amber lights on the side window. I clued in...a fire!!!!! I told Fabe to get the kids, and I ran back to the room and called '911'. I was on the corded phone in our bedroom on the upper level...Fabe went out with the kids...the 911 operator was insisting that I remain on the phone, I was arguing with her "My house in on fire, I'm upstairs...I have to get out!" she was saying I needed to remain on the line...I heard the fire alarms sounding...in the house and I knew that I needed to get out...fast...I was telling her this when the alarm system cut into the phone line...I ran down the stairs to the front door and my living room was covered in flames...I got outside and Mack was in his boxers and Kennedy in a nighty. Fabe passed me Bandit and we noticed that the fire was spreading to the fence and up the house....I told Fabe to go wake up the neighbors....the kids were screaming outside...which woke up the majority of the immediate neighbors...suddenly the fire jumped the fence and went right to the neighbors house...fabe got them out...just in time!!!! He went to Rachels house (other side of us) to wake her up as she was there with her kids and her dh out of town. Fabe was only in his boxers too. Me, I was in a tiny pair of shorts with one of Fabe's tanks tops. It was cold too! We watched helplessly as our house...the one we built only 4 yeas ago burnt. And there was nothing we could do about it. Fabe's quick thinking got the propane, gas and other accellerants out of the garage. Our block was full now, I was screaming "WHERE IS 911?" as we watched the fire gut our home...and then the neighbors...Fabe was crying, sobbing uncontrollably..I called my mom...and told her...woke her up...screaming...she immediately came down...got the kids...the kids were a wreck..she took them and the dog. It was horrible....the worst possible thing you can think about happening. The police and fire invertigators told us to come to the van to talk...we could only leave our house...burning...and later the room falling in....we were in complete shock...neighbors dressed us...piece by piece...it was so sad. So, surreal...just something that I thought that I would never be faced with....it just doens't happen to us.

That was only 3 days ago, and as I recall this...my teeth are chattering....and I'm shaking. I still can't believe it. We literally left with the (neighbors) shirts on our backs...not even our own shoes...just horrible. The house that I just love so much. I can't bare to look at my blog from this summer...just the feeling that my house gave me...so much joy. I was proud of my home...I worked hard to buy each thing. I placed each item 'just so' it was my pride and joy maintaining such a nice home. One that I was proud of. Then there is the things that I can't replace...the kids pictures, the scrapbooks I made...the many many albums of the kids from babies to now...this past summer album of all of our camping trips...its just sooo sad. Since the fire, no one has gone in. A fire investigator fell through the kitchen floor, as the fire entered through the dryer vent and went into thebasment..where my scrapbooking stuff is..some parts of the house are 'so good' and I can't wait to have those items back...but other items I will never ever see again :o( and it breaks my heart. That feeling of 'my bed' being so comfy and warm...knowing I will never ever again sleep in my bedroom. The bedding in Kennedys room since she was 2 years old...gone. Her procedure bear...from a nurse when she was born...she took that bear everywhere when she had bloodwork or whatever...every single hospital stay the bear 'teddy' was there. As soon as we got outside from the fire...she was screaming for her Teddy....she knew she needed it. Mack loved his room, as most preteens do. He had it set up just as he loved it...but its all gone. He even left without his glasses...that we just bought...

But we all got out safely. Yes, I'm grateful for that. But I'm missing my house so much. All of the years of gathering stuff. All of my Christmas stuff...all of the things we shopped so cautiously for...deciding on where each item willbe. I loved dispplaying all of our travel stuff...gone...the Cuba man and lady I bought that I so much loved....gone...everything..gone. The things I have been saving since I was a little girl...my childhood diaries..my children's first outfits...the papers from their birthdays...ugh...so much...how do you get past that???

We are at a hotel now. Its been yucky. We had no clothes. We bought some. Plus, we got Mack some contacts and then ordered another pair of glasses...we each have a few outfits now...not nearly enough yet...but its better then the jammies we left with.

Things are hard. We cry so much in a day....I hate this life....I really do. I took my house for granted...

I loved that house...

The fire investigaton is now over. We thought it was arson..but it was the power. I'm sure it will turn into a big investigation...its nice to know someone wasn't trying to kill us! But will we ever sleep again, soundly???

We rented a house, its around the same area...so thats nice. I'm scared to sleep there. Up there. No windows on the side of the house...that side window could have saved our lives...ugh...

Anyhow, lifes been complete and utter hell...I can't see being happy anytime soon. I just want to wake up, and be back to my life....I miss it soooo much...I miss cooking supper. I miss, the warmth....of my home. We designed that home. We put SO much effort into building it...we loved that house....

Todays the day...

One great opportunity and one sad thing. Bittersweet.

Good news first?

1) I have a really great opportunity coming my way! It came on Monday...the SAME day the dr. told me my levels are drastically lower then my last blood tests. I am soooooo excited about this opportunity its making the bad thing sooo much easier to deal with. Which is good! I will know...100% today. My friend Lisa is being so wonderful and taking it on while I'm at the hospital getting my d and c done...I can't wait to call her as soon as its over and see whats going on!!!!

2) As I said, I did loose the pregnancy. Today is my procedure to completely get rid of the pregnancy 'stuff'...lovely. I'm okay though. My dr has been just awesome and called me the other day and said 'you know what Tara, I'm not going to let you go into the weekend with this on your mind...its been on long enough!" and booked me...no more waiting for it to happen...so thankfully Fabe is off anyhow today...so we are going to the hospital to have it done...then I have to stay there for a little while to ensure no excessive bleeding, pain, etc...then home...I can't wait to be back here...I actually just can't wait for it ALL to be over with...and I can get back onto the pill and book Fabe's snipping appt...

Anyhow....thanks for the well wishes from the other post...I do believe that things happen for a reason...and while we had plans and hopes for this child of ours...we know that dealing with another child with CF would have been soooooo hard on all of us...but we would have done it...but sometimes I think about how much I wouldn't have enjoyed being pregnant this time...I' ve seen WAY too many sick kids over the years and I would have been so anxious, miserable, etc...still...I'm trying to convince myself....

tara

Hmmmmmmm

So today I went to the dr's and I had my first prenatal physical booked. The nurse told me not to worry about changing as the dr wanted to talk to me first. Weird, I thought. Then, she came in and told me that my bloodwork is very, very low which would indicate a weak pregnancy or a pregnancy that is not proceeding. She didn't give me a number, which I'm going to ask for this afternoon or tomorrow when she calls back. So I repeated my blood work today and she said she will call me. As she will have something to compare it too and that it should have gone up lots since my last blood work. BUT, she didn't do my physical or anything..she just talked to me and then told me that sometimes the body 'takes care of this naturally' or other times you might have to go for a D & C procedure to remove the tissue. But she will see about my blood test and go from there. About a week ago, I began to feel really good. I stopped taking the Diclectin and wasn't unusally exhausted anymore...I have been feeling super good. As well, my breasts are no longer tender. I was telling dh this last week that I didn't feel pregnant anymore which was weird as I was only close to 8 weeks pregnant...and usually the symptoms begin to peak 8-12 weeks. Now, I'm kinda annoyed that I told anyone...just Saturday I told my neighbors and stuff. Now I have to explain to everyone that I miscarried. My dr. talked to me like in fact I had, but she said the blood work will confirm it. Then we will wait. She asked about if we are going to try again...I told her no...and that I wanted to seek a perm. birth control.

So not really too sure, But I do honestly have a feeling that I did miscarry...I just 'feel' it. I haven't been crampy or anything else but she told me that once the body recognizes that its no longer a developing fetus it will 'dispose' of it...and she told me what to look for and when I would need to go to the hospital...lovely...

Anyhow, I'm doing okay. I'm kinda tired of this roller coaster of a ride...happy, unhappy, happy, unhappy, etc...but I think I will be fine...

So I will post more once I know the blood results...but once again...I'm preparing myself for the worst..but hoping for the best...but I have little hope...I believe you need to go with your gut and I have a strong feeling about this...

Tara

a little update...

So last week I found out some unexpected news. We are expecting #3! I was completely shocked and devastated. I love the way our life is right now. And I just can't imagine changing it...but we enjoyed a family weekend away in Canmore last weekend for Thanksgiving and I came to terms with it all. And now I'm fine with it. Everything will be okay...tonight I go to see a family doctor to get a referral to an Ob/Gyn and then hopefully my first ultrasound. Of course, the BIG factor is the 25% chance of having another child with CF. Which is quite a possibility at this point. A 1:4 chance...who knows. Everyone is asking if I will find out while pregnant. I don't think that I can...even if baby has CF he/she will only show that he/she is a carrier...(like Kennedy) as Fabians rare CF gene has not yet been identified..so it complicates getting tested...so I'm not sure. I do imagine they will order a sweat test and possibly an xray to ensure it doesn't have the same obstruction as Kennedy had at birth which required surgery. I just pray that he/she is born healthy...but if it does have CF then at least this time I will be MUCH more prepared and it won't be as devastating as it was when Kennedy was born and diagnosed with it. I won't have to run home to the internet, adjust to giving meds, etc, etc, etc...I will be okay...but I do hope he/she is born without it..but ya never know...

So thats my news!

I'm 6 weeks along...feeling okay....mild headaches....queezy tummy and suuuuuper tired....ugh. Getting Nothing around here! But oh well......

Thursday!

Well Kennedy's appt was crazzzy long. I hate that, they always take forever! Anyhow, all is good BUT, she has been having lots of tummy pains. Not 'sick' type of pains but hurting-pains. Anyhow, the dr is concerned as she has been having this forever...we had her appendix removed and 3 years ago her gallbladder. Anyhow, she still has the pains which we thought was gallstone attacks. The surgeon on the other hand, said 'no, its not her gallbladder, but since she has gall stones we are going to remove it". So we did so. Every once in a while her tummy still has 'attacks', if you will. They last 15 mins and then she is fine. Doesn't matter before or after eating....sleeping or awake. They just happen. Anyhow, so he checked her tummy over...it was very loud. Something that he said sometimes when you have had tummy surgery, little scar tissues begin to form and increase in size....since she had her small bowel operated on at birth...and she has a HUGE scar from hip to hip...he thinks that she has too much tissue built up in there and that its causing the bowel to actually kink up while 'stuff' is travelling through the bowel. He thinks that its causing a partial obstruction (which we have had before!!!). SO, he is doing an ultrasound to rule out anything else that it could be...but it also could be her liver as her liver enzymes have been elevated in the past (which she takes meds daily for) but he just wants to make sure its not enlarged or anything weird. So she has an ultra sound Oct 29th @ 7:45 am. From there, we will see. He asked Kennedy to leave the room and go get a cookie or chocolate milk (in the little waiting area) and so she did. Then he said the *S* word...surgery. He will wait to see the ultrasound results, which he suspects will be normal then he will talk with her surgeon (Dr. Lees) to see what he thinks...and they might have to go in there and laser some tissue away....greeeeat! The issue he said is, the more we keep going in...the more we are risking it only happening every few years still. She has had SOOOO many surgeries now...lets see...bowel resection, appendix, gall bladder, sinuses, adenoids, PICC line and now possibly this....man oh man. My poor baby. But they know her well there....Kennedy is TOUGH. For this girl to complain to anyone...is telling us that there is something going on. So thankfully I don't have to plead that to them..they just know.

Anyhow, hopefully everything will be fine. They are super happy with her weight gain of 2 pds since June. She is in the 50-75th percentile for height and weight. Good good. Her lungs are/were nice and clear..and I said 'were' because EVERY time we come back from the clinic she ends up with a cold/cough. Yup, today she said she coughed SO much at school and her cough sounds yucky! But, I'm not too worried...we will just increase her treatments and she will be fine. A dr that we use to see, saw us at the hospital yesturday...she is great! She saw Kennedy and was like "omg!!! Kennedy you look SO good...oh wow, you look just great! Oh my gosh, you look wonderful! You are doing so good!" she was so sweet! She said "mom, you are just doing awesome!!!! Look at her! She looks excellent!" I was secretly smiling...someone can appreciate the hard work we do...there was a mom at the CF clinic with 2 GREAT looking CF children. I mean, they both looked AWESOME! They both had just the right amount of fat on them. They were a boy and girl. The mom, came out while they got weighed...wrote down in her little notebooks about their weight gains...she could compare it to their last few visits...she wrote down their height...the one nurse/medical person said "is that their files?" and kinda laughed...jokingly. The mom said "you know, I have every weight and height measurement in here since they were little..." I thought, wow. What a great idea! I mean, I know in my head her weight and height. And I can always tell if Kennedy has lost or gained (always in her bum!!!) if she has a bum..she's gaining good. If not, then I need to fatten her up! She looks good now. A little bit of a reserve on her. Then there is the extreme different...a girl about 12 years was in the waiting room with us...coughing....she just looked sickly...it was so sad. Plus she was kinda 'awkward' looking too...bad teeth, greasy kinda hair, glasses that didn't fit her shape of her face, and very *very* skinny. So skinny that her skinny jeans...were baggy on her :o( It was sad. Anything can happen with Kennedy's weight too. I know that. But I feel sad for her (this girl) its hard enough being not-the-best-looking then being soooo super skinny...and having to battle to breath and cough all day long. I can't imagine what life might be like for her...God bless her...

I'm very happy with Kennedy. I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She is perfect to me...CF or not. I'm lucky to have the most beautiful girl and most handsome boy...how did I ever get so lucky (*smile*). Anyhow...life could be worse...so I am thankful for what I DO have....

Wow, I'm sure typing alot today.

Its 3:35pm. I have a dr's appt for a medical tongiht for the dayhome agency. But today I got offically 'approved' and I'm an offical provider. The little 3 month old is starting next week...yeah!!!! I'm ready for him. Today was Kennedy's early day...so I already picked her up. I have Chicken Supreme in the oven already. Today I cleaned the oven. Tomorrow, I'm very happy as I have NOTHING planned. The last 2 days have been utter rush-days. I hate that....so tomorrow, I will do whatever...the house is clean as I tidied up a bit today...this morning.

I got a Wii Fit...yeah!!!! Its sooooo cool! I'm going to TRY to use it daily...its super fun!

Other then that, not too much is new!

I realized how boring my blog is getting...

Sorry...since we reformatted this computer its been crappy trying to get everything back to normal. The printer STILL does NOT work...when I hook up my camera...nothing works. Its crappy! One day...soon ;o)

Today is Wednesday, I'm finished most of the dayhome stuff that I needed to do. I have to run to the store and buy a few more things (more outlet covers and 2 more door know covers). I brought in my sisters old high chair from the garage that she was going to give to Amanda...but Amanda only wants brand new (picky girl!). So I grabbed the opportunity..as its very nice. So I cleaned it all down/up. I *tried* to put together the new bouncy chair I bought from Zellers last night...no such luck!!!Leave it for Fabe. I got rid of the wine that was stored in the wine racks...we can't have it out anymore...into the garage fridge it goes...and arranged the stuff in the new diaper bag....my mom brought over my bassinette. I got it when Mack was born then I used it for Kennedy then my sister used it for both of her boys...then Amanda...its the family one...so I'm using it for only the month...then I will switch over to the playpen...

I'm getting really excited to be over the set up part and just have a couple little ones around here again :o) My nephews are going to be thrilled when they come to aunties house again, since I have TOYS now...poor kids. Aunty just always had a pretty house...now I have bins and tons of toys in the basement and baskets on each level....things will gradually move up and around..I'm not going to worry about toys as they are easy enough to pick up...

Well, I have the chicken marinating in the fridge. Its Chicken Oregeno...you use 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 tbsp oregno and 1 tsp of garlic salt...marinate for 4 hrs then bake for 1 hour at 350. Never tried it....new recipe...from the cookbook. Not sure what kind of side dish yet though (hmmm) maybe rice or a pasta...with brussel sprouts!

Nutrisystem is going really good. I think I'm down about 6 pds...in 1.5 weeks. Its soooooo easy...I love that its all packaged and ready to go. Nothing to think about...nothing to calculate...just easy. And the food....yummmmyyy!!!!! I belong to small facebook group from LPers who are on it...its really suppotive for one another. We are ALL doing good. We check in everyday and share what we ate and what not. Pretty good!

I have to go get ready, Kennedy has a dr's appt at the U of A for 2:30pm but I have some stops to make first...

Tara

Tuesday!

Today I was kinda bored. I thought that I would go to my old work and visit with my old co-workers! I'm so glad that I did! I have missed them so very much! Things are good there tho! I went to Zellers and bought the lock for my med box and they had a Fisher Price bouncy chair on sale for 40.00 so I bought that...and then a diaper bag and other stuff to put in the diaper bag. I'm sure the family has one, but I would prefer to use my own therefore in case I loose it, or whatever...

The lady is coming Thursday morning to offically approve me :o)

Baby starts next week...

What else? Today I didn't do much AT ALL. Kinda a 'do whatever day', it was nice. We ALL need one of those every once in a while...so it was nice...

Tomorrow morning I have stuff to do around here for preparing for the dayhome...and then Kennedy has a CF appt in the afternoon...

Well anyhow, ttyl!

Tara

Menu planning...

So for the past few weeks now I have been doing up a supper menu for the family (I'm on NutriSystem now) but its been going SO good. The BEST thing I bought while Kennedy was in the hospital was a recipe book that has only 4 ingredients. It makes cooking SO much easier on us unskilled chefs. Anyhow its going really really good...

I don't have the menu here but today was BBQ ribs, mashed potatoes and cauliflower. The ribs were SOOOOO good (I am going on word from my ds)..dh isn't home yet. But, all I did was dump a whole bottle of BBQ sauce in, 2 onions and then 2 racks of ribs in the roaster. I cooked at 350 for 1.5 hours then uncovered for 30 more mins. They were SUPER saucy...there was lots of sauce so the kids ate it over their potatoes.

Tomorrow, I'm doing a slowcooker roast with corn on the side.

I will list off the other things but every week I have been able to make new things. In the book has desserts, sides, drinks and then divided by chicken, pork, beef and turkey. Its really good anyhow..

It sure makes cooking MUCH more enjoyable if you know its easy and fast. I went to Sobeys and bought all of the necessary stuff. The scalloped potato recipe is the easiest using a can of cheddar cheese soup....anyhow...

Just wanted to share :o)

LMAO!!!

Today, I decided to have a coffee. So I ran to Tim Hortons which is right by my house. I get there, order a large black. Then I thought, omg!!! I don't have my purse with me!!!! I was digging around, then finally I drove up and told them "I thought that I had mypurse with me.. I have no way to pay for it" I was soooooooooooooo not impressed with myself!!!! She goes "well then (passing the coffee to me) 'enjoy your coffee and your day" I couldn't say 'thank you' enough!!!!

Silly me!!!

Monday...

I'm taking a break :~)

I woke up at 6:30 am,woke up the kids. Turned on their Tv's. 6:45am Mack goes for a shower...Kenndy to my room for manual (I'm too lazy to go down to the basement for her vest!) physio. 7:00am we all head down stairs. Get the kids their breakfasts, make lunches, sign agendas and eat. Upstairs at 7:30am (everyday is like this) then Mack has 10 mins to get dressed and brush teeth. 7:40, Kennedy gets ready. I go drive Mack and Trevor (my driving week) to the ETS bus stop...home at just before 8am. Finsih getting Kennedy ready...then we have a few mins to relax...Fabe drops her at school 8:20am. I usually have my breakfast and read the paper. Afterall, its already been 2 hours of busy! Then I tidy up the kitchen from the morning. Come up, check the computer for a little while. Then start my daily chores (laundry, etc, etc) Today I am doing a complete cleaning of the house. I didn't do ANYthing all weekend. Thats how I like it. Laudnry was all caught up Friday. So really, I don't need to do laundry on the weeknds. Or do anything else. Its my days off. So today, I'm cleaning hard. I have already done 3 loads of bedding (I stripped ALL of our beddings off) and I did the 2 bathrooms up here...tidied the kids' rooms. Dusted the bonus room and our room. Organized our room...I just brought up the vacuum so I'm gonna do that and then its all done up here...until the bedding is all done and then I have to put that on. Then, I just have to sweep and mop and I'm done up here. I decided to start up here today as I usually start on the mainfloor. The mainfloor is usually pretty clean. We don't use it down there, well the kitchen we do but we clean that as we go along. The basement is forsure spotless as I cleaned it last week and its ALWAYS clean down there as we never use it! It up here that is the worst!

Tonight, Im gonna get the kids to wipe down their desks, dressers and put away their own laundry. I'm finding the issue with me being at home is that they think that I will just clean their rooms as I'm home and they know it annoys me..I will do it here and there but I want them to do it themselves.

Anyhow, I better go...the vacuum is staring at me...then sweep and mop then my lunch break!

Tara

Sunday...

Last night we went to the Argyll casino with our neighbors. It was a great time! We got home very late, then hung out in the neighbors garage...I finally came in at close to 4am! Fabe about an hour later. It was a fun night! Yesturday, I went with my friend to pick out the curtains and rods (and a whole whack of other stuff!) for her new house. We got the WHOLE house window-treated...we went to Ikea and Walmart then Zellers. Oh, at Zellers she found livingroom ones. She needed 7 panels. So they were 45.00 EACH panel. She gets up to the till, and they are on for 15.00!!!! 30.00x7=major savings! She was SO happy! I couldn't believe it. Then I went to her house, helped her unpack it all. Then came home. The neighbors were in the garage, partying. So I popped over there, then came home to shower. Fabe was visiting with his mom (who is in hospital but out for a weekend pass) he took Bandit over there to visit and they went for a walk. He got home, and we left.

At the casino it was so much fun! For the first time, I played BlackJack at the table. All of the guys (neighbors, Fabe and his friend John) showed me how to do it. I WAS doing good, but that quickly went down hill....we spent 180.00 last night, that included Fabe's supper there and his beers. I only had diet pepsi. But really, its okay as we rarely go to the Casinos. Now we aren't going until Vegas in Dec.

It was a nice weekend. Great to get out with Fabe. Usually we don't go anywhere and we just like the quiet home alone...but it was great getting out. We slept in until 10am, had breaky and went through all of the mail to sort it all out and file what we needed to keep.

This week, I am going to work on the rest of the dayhome stuff. I have to be completely done this week. The 3 month old IS coming to my house Oct.1st..that will be FUN!!!! I'm not in a rush to get another child fast, if it happens then great..but if not...its okay. It will be fun having a baby all day!

This week, well tomorrow I have a coffee morning planned on the north side but I think that I am going to have to cancel. I have to take the rest of the dayhome stuff in and go buy the rest of what I need (lock for the medicine box, baby gate, etc....). Tuesday, I'm meeting (I think!) an out of town LP'er for coffee. Wednesday is Kennedy's appt. Thursday is early day and then Friday I'm hoping to be 100% done and have the lady from the agency come and do my final walk through...and be offically approved. So I have to get it all done this week...

Life won't change too much with a little 3 monther. I mean, he comes at 7:30 until about 5 pm. But they are fine with me taking him out, so thats great. So I can do what needs to be done still. And he leaves by supper time, so I can still prepare supper. Kennedy is going to be a great helper! She asked if I can pay her to be a helper. I said 'sure!" of course! So once she is home from school and homework done then she can keep him busy while I prepare supper and tidy. Even with a 3-year old she will be GREAT! She is SO good with little kids. Summer too! I will employ her full time! Then he will leave and I have the evenings open. It will be enjoyable as I simply LOVE babies!!!

Well, speaking of supper. I better go think about what we are doing for supper. Its already close to 6pm! Lots to do...

Take care!

Tara

Frrrrriday!!!!!

Yeah!!!! I love the weekends, the thought of sleeping in is just SO nice!

Today I got the kids off to school, jumped in the shower and then went go Goodwill. Again, bought some really good stuff. I'm very particular about the stuff that I buy from there, and this stuff is ALL really really good. I'm going to fill up the kitchen sinks and get them really clean (a tiny bit of bleach then rinsed really well and then air dry!) Good ole' daycare standards (lol!) Then I went to Walmart, got pics done! Then, I went to Blockbuster to try to find Wii Fit from there, no luck but I returned the movies from the week that we were at the lake (gotta LOVE no late fees!). Then I came home. I was STARVING when I got here..so I ate. Checked in on my emails, etc. I'm going to go wash the toys. This morning I got some cleaning done but not the bathrooms...well the mainfloor one I did. I still have our 2 to do. I will do them tonight. Since I mopped Wed. I'm good until Monday...I like to relax a bit on the weekends. The laundry is COMPLETELY done...I love that. I folded socks and underwear and put them all away.

My house is So quiet! I don't have the tv on during the day, ever. When the dayhome agency lady suggested that kids might want to play video games (!!!) I was shocked. I'm not much a tv'er. I like to lay in bed only to watch it. And when preparing supper I like to 'listen' to Dr.Phil but thats about it. I don't ever watch it during the day, sometimes I think "I should relax today and watch something on the tv" nope. I can't do it....its just me. How I grew up. I am only looking forward to Desperate Housewives and thats it. Its just me, my mom is the same...so I got it from her. I do wish that I 'enjoyed' something on tv...but there isn't really much that I am into..

Thursday!

Hello all :o)

Today was ANOTHER great day! I went to my friend new house once the kids got off to school. We had to measure for her blinds and then wait for the furnace guy (but it was actually a lady-we were waiting for man...how sterotypical!). She got her 20,000.00 quote!!!!! Thats what happens when you buy a house with 2 furnaces (a HUGE house!) Then, I stopped at Sobeys got some food that I needed...then came home. Didn't get too much done, as much as I wanted. But oh well, tomorrow I will. Then I cut up the left over chicken breast and threw it into a frying pan and added some spices, etc and then made some brown rice and veggies on the side. I ate chicken dumplings from Nutrisystem. Saturday will be my weigh in. Its been great so far!

Then, I got Kennedy. Came home. Decided to paint the trim on the shed and the door (that Bandit scratches when he wants to come in) so I did that....knock that one off my 'to do' list.

Kennedy's outside, Mack just came in...Fabe isn't home yet...he's been working later as there is SO much work so he's been taking on more work.

Oh yeah- Kennedy and I took Bandit to the dog park. I brought my camera and got some really nice shots of her with the beautiful fall colors! I need to get Mack done too...and some of them together!

Tomorrow, I wanna get to Goodwill, Micheals and then a good cleaning of the house...

Not sure what we are going to do for the weekend!!!!

Wednesday!

Hello all :o)

Today was another great day! I enjoyed breakfast with the kids then got them off to school. I came home, showered and made the beds, etc (the usual morning routine). Then, I had a hair appt for 10am, so I went to that. At first, she was going to foil in more blonde and match it with the (bottom) blonde that was in there. Then, she said "well what about a bold darker color to contrast with the blonde?" so she LEFT all of the blonde in there, used chocolate brown foils and mixed it up with a blonde chunk and a brown chunk. It turned out really really good. I love it! Then, she took off a few inches of my long hair. It was WAY to long for me...middle of the back. Long enough, that when seated my hair would come forward and rest on my chest...too long for me. So, its a little shorter then I wanted..but at least the dead split ends are gone and my hair looks healthy. As well, she did long layers. Something that my *old* sylist said I should have because my hair is too fine. But today my *new* sylist said "no no no, you have lots of hair and its fine but thats WHY you need to give it some lift" so lift is has :o) Of course, you know I will never get it to *this* style again though. Oh well...

Then, I went to Canadian Tire and bought some door handle covers/protectors. Couldn't find them ANYwhere the other day but got them today. As well I bought a fire extinguisher too. Almost all ready for the new dayhome. I'm meeting with the family of the *little* baby in 30 mins...I am SO hoping I get him. As well there are 2 other families who are waiting to see if I get him, as they both have 12 months olds...we need more dayhomes for just babies!!!

I didn't end up getting the pics developed like I had wanted to do. Instead I came home and finsihed the last of the laundry and then did a quick sweep and mop of the floors. Fresh feeling. As well, I tried out a new recipe tonight for 'their' supper (remember I am on NutriSystem!) it was Soy Sauce chicken...I did sneak in a tidy piece. Omg, it was SO good. You mix sour cream (1 cup)and 1/4 cup of soy sauce and pour it over the breasts and bake it covered for 1.5 hours. It was really soft..and yummy. If Kennedy eats it, you know it is 'that' good. I made mashed potatoes with it and a side of mixed veggies.

I love making supper, with no rushes. I love being at home to do these things. Life is just easier...

Tomorrow, I might go for coffee to a fellow Lp'ers in the morning. If not, I will forsure be hitting up Goodwill. Tomorrow is early day for Kennedy. And I was thinking about taking the kids to do something afterschool. We'll see..not sure what to do...but we'll find something. Of course, they are totally enjoying the new park (JUST opened!!) so they are out until close to bedtime each night...they might not even wanna do anything...who knows?

If I don't 'do' coffee, then my plan is to get the summer pics developed. Then this weekend I can get some scrapbooking time in...I can't justify doing it during the day when there is a million other things to do..and I don't know if I could do it. I should try...

Friday, will be a good cleaning of the house (bathrooms, dusting and floors again) then we can relax on the weekend.

have a good night!

Tuesday!

Howdy!

Today was a good day. Wasn't up to doing too much this morning, just threw in some laundry and made beds...the normal stuff. But then in the afternoon I decided there is just too much to do...so I tackled the trailer. It was messy from my week at the lake with my mom, but also we need to winterize it and store it. I was pissed off at Fabian as he unplugged the trailer to use his compressor for the kids bike and didn't plug it back in!!!! We had TONS of meat and food wasted. Now, I know it was a mistake...but this is the SECOND time!!!!!! At least 100.00 in food gone today...and last time was more like 50-75.00! What a friggin waste! So needless to say, it was smelling 'foody' in there today. YUCK! So I flipped on the air and began to haul our things into the house. What a chore. I just love the trailer though, I know that I have said it 1000 times this summer...but the feeling that I get while in there...is just so great. Best thing we bought! Anyhow, back on topic. I cleaned it all spotless. Vacuumed everything...put all the bedding away. Got a tote to fill up with the supplies (wash clothes, towels, toilet paper, etc) just in case of mice getting in. Wiped out all of the cupboards,etc. Its clean. I just need to mop and wax the floor (once Fabe decides which clothes he is leaving in/taking out). Next summer, we are planning to take off 2 weeks..and just 'go' somewhere. Being that I will have the dayhome, I plan to take off 2 weeks in August and Fabe too and we will go. Not sure where...but just drive and live in the trailer for 2 weeks. PLUS all the weekend camping. The best thing is, with being at home working...I will still be able to load it up and what not for Friday's to head out!!! Yeah!!!!

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a dayhome mom and her family in the evening. It will be 'weird' but I think it will be fine. The baby is super little, so I'm really looking forward to that!!!!

Also tomorrow, I'm going to go get the last of our summer pics developed and work on getting some fall ones of the kids and us...maybe this weekend (???). Nothing else to do tomorrow, I will check out Goodwill again...I still can't believe HOW much awesome things I got from there for the dayhome...awesome stuff!!!!

And, thats about it. Suppers ready.

Last night I went to the movie "The Woman" it was okay. Not as good as I thought it would be...but it was good. I got home late...woke up early. Not a good combo! It was a great movie about friendships...it was good.

Fabe's aunt called from the states today. She's a nice lady. I am told to send updated pics of the kids. She said she has pics from when they were babies....how horrible am I! Plus she wants a wedding pic! Opps, gotta get that going!!!! How much are stamps even?? LMAO!

Well gotta go!!!!

Tara

Monday...

Today felt like a long day...it was a good day though. At 9:30am the lady from the dayhome agency came, and we did the walk through of the house. Everything was good, some minor 'safety' things to do, but nothing major (put the wine away, door handle thingy's,etc). So it was good. I was really, really excited when she left. The whole idea of doing something that I love (working with kids) and also being able to be at home for my children afterschool is just great! She was thinking how many children I can take with my children being school aged...I was like 'oh no no no, I'm going to take 2 and go from there'. It doesn't matter the amount of money that I could earn. I'm not doing this for the money...well I mean, sure for somewhat of an income but it certainly isn't going to get me rich. I do love children...and I love the combination that this will offer me :o) I went shopping after she left. I bought tons of toys at Goodwill (awesome ones!) and then went to Walmart to try to find those door knob thingys, Canadian Tire, Zellers and then Ikea. I can't find those door knob thingys ANYwhere!!!! I'm needing to buy one more baby gate, for my own comfort...one for top and bottoms of stairs.

Update-the mom with the 3 month old called!!!!! She is coming Wednesday!!! I'm excited!!!!

Tonight I am going to see the movie "the women" with my friend. So that will be nice. Tomorrow, I'm going to be meeting with the 11month old mommy. Now I feel bad...as I would rather the 3 month old. But oh well, we'll see!!!Then I only wanna take 1 more child...3-4 year old. Then I am set !!!!

Well anyhow, I gotta go clean up from Supper

Did I tell ya that my newest diet...is Nutrisystem?? Yup...day 3 now...and the food IS SO good!!!! So far, I have not eaten anything that I hated...thats good :o)

Well Gotta run!

Sunday!

Last night I decided to take up Tina on her offer of me coming to her scrapbook night at her house...I was so glad that I did. It was really nice to get out of the house, but also to visit!!! It was nice. I got my 'baby fix' from Karen's beautiful little girl, Briar. And Connor was SUCH a funny little guy! He's so cute! I just laugh at him!

I got home around midnight. Fabe and Kennedy were at the neighbors house.

Yesturday, I relaxed. My back was really really sore from all of the painting...so I relaxed for most of the day. I finished my book "Fridays Night Knitting Club" was disappointed with the ending..it was unexpected! Then Fabe, Kennedy, Abby (neighbors daughter) and I went to Costco. Didn't buy much, but still spent waaay too much there (as usual!). Then, we got home in time for a late supper and I took off.

Today, I'm going to clean the house...the dayhome agency lady is coming tomorrow...and I am meeting on Tuesday with another mom (she has an 11 month old daughter). I would LOVE that age!!!! I have to get all of my forms, ECD diploma, 1st aide, crim checks, child welfare checks, etc....all ready for tomorrow. Later tonight, we are heading to Fabe's parents new house. They just moved into a brand new house in Twerrliger (sp?) and so we are going there for supper. Fabe's mom is out on a daypass today!

So I best be going....

Tara

Painting, painting and more painting!

Well day 4 here;

I have finally finished the mainfloor of the house. I did it ALL on my own! During the day, I have been working hard...all the way until the night time. Then I would crawl into bed, totally exhausted from painting all day long. But it looks sooooo good! I'm so happy that I did it. Today, I finished the last of it in the kitchen...I did a few little accent features with a goldy-brown. Anyhow, it looks REALLY good. Last night Fabe and I did the stairwell and one of the hallway walls up here. Today I have to do the other wall and then I'm leaving the rest until later. I'm painted out. Totally....every ounce of my body hurts. So yeah, I'm DONE. I need to do the kids rooms, but after all of this painting their rooms will be easier. Kennedy needs new bedding and a new room makeover...but at this point..I just can't think about it. Maybe the weekend Fabe and I will do the bonus room...and then we are DONE...until the bedrooms, but they can wait.

Other then that, thats all I have been doing. Mack is going to the lake with my mom this weekend, Kennedy doesn't want to go. So, it will just be the 3 of us.

Well I gotta run to Home Depot and get more tape and tray liners..so I will talk to you guys later.

I need to get my camera software installed, then I will show off the new paint job!

Tara

Tuesday..

Hello all :o)

Today was a great day! Didn't do too much UNTIL 2:00 when I ran to Home Depot and picked out some great paint! Excited to start, I ran home (2:30pm) and began with the front entrance. And the color is simply great! I love it. Its Ralp Lauren, I don't know the name off hand but its a nice browny color. When we built this house, we built it with Sawyers Fence color. It was darker on paper and once we moved in here, it looked almost peachy. It was just so light. Anyhow, this color is great. Then I picked a deep and dark sage green color for the kitchen, Plus I have a really good goldy-brown color for a feature wall. Its pretty :o) I can't wait until its done though, as I am NOT a good painter. But I'm trying my hardest to make it look good.

So, I offered help on my parenting board yesturday for anyone who needs it. There was a few 'urgent' needs but I think that some have too much pride...hell I would take up an offer for painting about now :o) Hehe!

Anyhow, so I have decided to go meet someone. Well actually 2 people from LP. We are meeting (all) for the first time. None of us know one another...its pretty cool! I'm excited. Another of my plans, is to meet more new people and befriend them. I'm pretty lonely, as the friends I do have are pretty busy with their own lives or we have drifted apart. I turn down alot of offers for stuff, but I'm going to attempt to make new friends. As part of that, is joining a scrapbook class in my community. Its once a month for 3 months. 25.00 a class, and that includes a 2 page layout with all of the supplies. Then you bring your own stuff too...so that will be neat. Usually I don't do things like that, so if anyone wants to join me...its over here in Millwoods.

I think I have found 2 dayhome children already!!!!!! And the mom is great so far. She is fine with outings, dr's appts and everything that I want to offer! She has 2 boys...one is really little (6 months) and the other is 2years. A little younger then I wanted, but young has good benefits too :o) Like, nap time (j/k)!!!!!

Other then that, I'm happy! I have a HUGE pile of Macks clothes...like I mean over 15 pairs of name brand jeans and what not...25 shirts...yah...a HUGE pile. 10 items have tags still on. It kills me to give it away, so I called an inner city school today and they will gladly take them :o) Yeah!!!!!! I will feel fine knowing it will go to a child in need. I bought some more dayhome toys...working on getting that set up.

Well, I'm going to do a little more painting and get my children ready for bedtime...

Have a good nights sleep and a great day :o)

Tara

A new leaf.

So, this weekend was really enlightening to me. Really, really enlightening to me.

Fabians family's friend (Jannette) passed away 2 weeks ago. She was an excellent person all over. She was kind and always SO nice to me. We met several years ago when Fabe and I started to become more serious. Then, more recently she would 'nag' us about not being married and she went as far to offer to do us a wedding reception at the Jamiacian Association in Edmonton. Anyhow, she was also a nurse at the hospital close to my house. When I went with clients (previous job) or more recently with Amanda she was there. I just saw her in May. She found out she had cancer in middle of July and she died the end of August. She was in her 50's and leaves her husband of many many years as well as her 2 adult boys. She was a very classy lady. Beautiful too! We found out she passed away the day we got back from the lake. Fabe's dad came over to tell him/us. Fabian's family immigrated to Canada with them from England. They have been very close, she was Aunty Jannette. Anyhow, we attended her BEAUTIFUL service Saturday. Then went to the graveside. Then they had an amazing reception for her...sit down dinner and everything. I saw several of the Ob/Gyn's and nurses from her hospital there. It was just lovely to see how many people attended her service ( a few hundred). Anyhow. THIS was a wake up call for Fabe and I. We have not been involved with 'those' people like we use too. We use to go there for Mother's Day dinners, Christmas, Easter's,etc. Our children have been missing out on their culture. We have missed them all so very much. It was heartbreaking when her husband pulled Fabe and I aside and said that Jannette told him in August that she hadn't seen us for years and she wondered why...we felt like utter shit. No one knew Kennedy was recently in the hospital. If they had, they would have come. Due to Fabe's dad screwing stuff up in the family we hadn't wanted to partake in those events because Fabe was uncomfortable. People didn't recognize him, yet they knew his brother perfectly well. Some of his 'extended' family knew that we had a boy, but never even knew Kennedy was born. NO ONE knew of her CF. Its just horrible. I feel like a piece of shit. Fabe cried so so so much Saturday, he wishes he would have been around more. I told him we don't know who is going to die...but we need to make an effort to be around more now...so we don't ever feel like this again. So we told everyone and anyone there, ANY celebrations, events, etc...we want to be invited and we WILL come. No more not being around. Its just crazy. We missed out on so much...everyone treats me so good (I was one of the few white people) but they don't care about my color...

After her reception, we went to another couples house for a block party they had already had planned before her death. Everyone was going over there after, so we went...we haven't seen this couple for years either...they live 8 mins from us :o(

Sunday, I was so happy! My dad called...he was in town. Sadly, Fabe's mom is in the hospital for 'trauma' related stuff...(they moved, the dealth, etc, etc, things not dealt with) and so we took the kids to go see her for a few hours. Then we dropped the kids off at my dad's hotel...they swam and hung out with grandpa for a few hours...we had told everyone we would go to another ladies house for a slideshow on Jannettes life...and supper. We visited for many hours, didn't get the see the slideshow...or eat supper..as I told dad we would be back by 6 pm to visit with him and then get them home for bed (school next morning) but we just had time to reconnect with everyone. It was SO nice. Fabe was super happy, he was telling me 'this is how it was in the old days' everyone sitting in someones house, making food, the kids running around, visiting, happy and just relaxed. He was so happy. Then we got back to dads hotel, chatted with him for a long time. It was just SUCH a nice weekend.

I have a prespective on things. I get all worked up in people who feel they can say/do things to me, but it really hurts when they do it. Yet, they don't care. I KNOW that I am nice person. I know I am more caring then many others. I know I am quiet and often come across as stuck up/snotty but if people would take the time to get to know me before assuming what I am...then they would see. I didn't put alot of time aside for many others, but I am going to now. I'm going to do more to be a better person. I'm tired of caring what others think of me, everything I do is going to benefit me. I want to die, knowing I was the BEST person that I could be. Everyone who spoke up at Jannette's funeral said one common thing...she was a caring person. Not a 'nice' person, not a hard worker, not a great mothers (all of these she was) but in the end...that doesn't matter. It only matters that you cared about others. I am use to being a helper. Fostering, social worker, etc...I'm not doing that anymore. Sure, I am caring for my children. And a caring wife to my husband, but there are people who need help out there. I'm going to get to them...I'm not sure yet...but I WILL.

So for anyone who has formed opinions about me, yet you haven't met me...then I challenge you to get to know the real me. I'm up to meeting anyone. If you need help with anything (during school hours) let me know. I will help you clean, watch your kids, be a shoulder to cry on, come hang out for the day, etc....

And if you have already decided that you think you know me, and you have chosen to 'knock me off the list' then I'm really sorry for the person you never took the time to get to know. Its usually the people who you think that you will not connect with, are the ones who you connect the most with...

And if you have met me, and have decided to not bothering to get to know me more...then I hope whatever impression I may left you isn't one thats a negative one...I can only strive to be the best person I can be.

With ALL of this said, you will be hearing about the ways that I'm trying to reconnect to the world again...as I was a MUCH happier person when I was the helper and connected...it will be ways that I haven't helped before...(maybe) but whatever it is..as long as its helping somoene...I am willing to try it.

Anyhow, I hope I don't sound like a person who has completely lost it...

Tara

School's in.

And I am getting alot of stuff done around here. While I am missing the kids, I love being able to clean the house without feeling guilty that I should be done something with them.

Yesturday, I completely cleaned the basement. Like COMPLETELY! Its soooo organized and clean down there now...Love it! Then I went to Micheals and bought some scrapbooking stuff and FINALLY remembered to take in my 5 Native Art prints to be framed! I can't wait to get them back! Yeah!!!! Then I picked up Kennedy and we stopped for slushies and came home to supper. We ate turkey meatballs, cream of mushroom soup and rice. We have began switching to red-meats to more white meats and hopefully we will only eat red meats once a week. We'll see.

Today, I have washed our bedding so far. Cleaned all bathrooms, cleaned Kennedy's room, hauled up HUGE piles of laundry (still needs to be put away!) and then I am going to do do the floors up here and be done with up here. Maybe, I will do the mainfloor mind you I have running around to do so maybe later tonight I will do the mainfloor...its easy down there as its kepts pretty clean.

Next week;

*trailer needs to be cleaned and ready for winter storage
* car needs to be completely cleaned out and (ready for winter)
*take the steam cleaner to the warranty place get repaired
*pick out paint and start painting!!!!

Then on the 15th I have a lady from a dayhome agency coming, to (hopefully) approve me. I am starting a (small) dayhome with only 2 children. I thought about this for so many years now, and with my job being 'done' and gone I thought that this is a great time to do it! So I am going too! Plus, with an agency and being a level 3 there is a (very good) amount of money each month for JUST having chidlren in my care and being with them...so I only want to take 2 chidlren to be able to offer really, good quality care. I'm excited about this new adventure. I thought about going out of the home to work, but I really want to be there for my kids afterschool and yet, keep my foot in the door in the child care field. So this is it! So that will be really new for me!!! But I'm really, really looking forward to it...so if you know anyone looking for children (wink wink!)

Tara

Back to school tomorrow...

You know I am sad about it.

And with Mack going to junior high *sigh* I am feeling really, really nervous about it too. You see, his school (elm. one that Kennedy attends) is a Frech school (but they are in the English program)...but the feeder school USE to be ________ school. But still all of the kids go to that school anyhow, and its 20 mins from home. Its pretty far...so far that he needs to take an ETS bus to get there. Our neighbors child goes there as well, and at least he is in grade 8 this year so he already knows a bit about the school. But I'm not so sure that he will talk to Mack much (is it uncool to talk to a grade 7'er?) so they will ride the bus together, and thats probably about it. So tomorrow I'm talking Mack's best friend and Mack extra early to school to map out their classes and ensure they are able to do their locks for their lockers (provided by the school) so we couldn't have even practiced at home!!!! And then, I will disappear (aka-pay the fees) when the kids all start to arrive...crazy...I wish that I could walk him to class, help him organize his locker to ensure its done in a good fashion to be prepared for class, and I wish that I could help him when he needs it. I feel like I am losing a part of him...which I guess I am. He will no longer 'need' me to come to school (or WANT me too!) anymore....a few years of junior high...then off to high school (insert anxiety attack here!). Plus, him and Kennedy have been at the same school all of these years (3) and now they will never, ever be at the same school ever again...Kennedy will be taking the bus all alone to/from school...he won't be able to watch out for her...no more Christmas concerts of them together....

Ok.

Enough.

This is tearing me up...

So anyhow.

Tomorrow will be a GREAT day where Mack will start on a brand new ADVENTURE of adolescence and he will embark on a new journey to becoming an independent youth...

And I will miss his 'child' like features from being in elementary school...but there will be new and exciting opportunities from him!

Kennedy will do great, she is hoping to be in a certain teachers class (hopefully! mack had her and she was FANTASTIC!)...

Happy back to school day tomorrow !!!!

:0(

Tuesday!!!!!

Today we are heading out to the lake for our 'last' long stay...we are hoping to get some fall camping in and also we still need to go to Calgary...one weekend in Sept.

The kids are starting to get excited for back to school...sigh. My post about not being excited about them going back, wasn't meant to offend anyone. As I mentioned in my post, if my childrn were younger (and probably if I even had a younger child) then I might not feel this way. But because I am not going crazy with my 2 then this summer has been great. Also, I responded saying that I also have been out of the house working for the past 3 years (summers too!) so I am enjoying the time at home and with the kids...every situation is different!!! For me, this is perfect!

We went to the lake Saturday and stayed the night there. It was nice. We had an early bedtime. The neighbors were out there, which is always great for the kids as their children are the same ages/sex of our children...I packed up all of my scrapbooking stuff in the trailer (lol) so I plan to do that out there...Tomorrow I will be all alone at the lake as my mom is going up to Fort Mac to drop off Fabe for the fishing trip and pick up my nephews. Then my sister is coming down Friday. As well as the neighbors. So the kids will be bored out there Wed, Thurs and Friday-day. Then everyone will arrive Friday...Fabe will get a ride to the lake Monday morning and then we will depart for home and get ready for school. The first day of school for the kids, I plan to tackle the basement and organize the totes. Soon I have to pick out paint colors and get that started...so much to do...

Well I better pack up and get ready for leaving today...I may/may not update from my phone...we'll see. But if not....then have a great long weekend...

Saturday!

Well guys I won't be here for a few days...we were SUPPOSE to leave to the lake last night but it was becoming too late and what not. So we are up early and off to the lake lot for the weekend (well I guess only one night!) *lol* But we are leaving the trailer out there and then coming home Sunday night...Monday and Tuesday here, then Tuesday night out to the lake again...Fabe will be off to his fishing trip for 5 days so mom and I and the kids are gonna stay at the lake from Tuesday night-Monday. That will be a long time there, but you know what? It will be the LAST trip of the summer to be out during the week!!!!So sad. Then after this trip-it will be weekends...then nothing. Put the trailer in storage and we're done with it =o( How sad.

I stopped by my friends house yesturday for a visit. She was having a garage sale, so we chatted for a while. They were laughing at me, that I don't want the kids to go back to school. I don't. I honestly DO NOT. Its nice to be on the routine of school, but I LOVE this time with the kids....nothing to worry about. I love the relaxed life of being with them, and not pushing them anywhere. School is SO hectic and ugh, I dont know...she said I am the ONLY mother she knows that is NOT happy the kids are going to be back at school....to me, thats sad. They are only this age once and we will never get back these days. I know in a few years, I would be willing to give anything to go back to 'these' days...so I want to totally cherish and enjoy them...maybe if my kids were younger and driving me crazzzy, then maybe I would have wanted them to go back...but I LOVE this age for them....

Anyhow, I better get ready!!!!!!!!

Talk to you all Monday!

Wednesday..

Today was a great day! We headed out to my friends house for the WHOLE day. It was fun. We ordered pizza there and the kids watched the Hannah Montanna movie! It was a good day. I'm so excited that Fabian comes home tomorrow!!!! At 11am! I thought it was 1pm so I was 'slack' on my housework and being away all day I didn't get much done today. But I came home and tidied the mainfloor up and then swept and mopped it. The upper level is good. Not that he expects it to be perfect but I want him to return to a nice clean house =)

Other then that, nothing else was new.

We didn't do too much. I didn't scrapbook but I brought it to my friends house and showed off what I had worked on so far...

And nothing else much new....pretty regular boring day...

I'm just so happy that Fabe comes home tomorrow!!!!!!

Tuesday.

Well yesturday was a great day! We went to Wild Waters on the west end of Edmonton. Its awesome there! I can NOT believe that I have never taken the kids there before! Wow. They LOVED it. We were able to bring in a cooler, so we stocked it with subs for lunch, fruits for snacks and tons of drinks as it was so hot! We were there 12:30-7 pm when it closed. It was soooooo much fun! Then we got home, relaxed on the deck together and watched the lightening for a while. We were all in bed/asleep by 10:30pm. I'm trying desperately to get them on a bit of a routine...as school is in in 1.5 weeks!!!

Today, I slept in late (11am). The kids are taking turns sleeping in my bed with me (Yes, even Mack...he's the mommy's boy!) tonight its Mack's turn...things have been really good. I scrapbooked for a few hours today...I'm impressed with how much I have gotten done! Then we went to the mall as my Blackberry isn't charging..and Rogers doesn't fix PDA's or Blackberrys in their store...(annoying!) so I have to call them and see what to do (its still under warranty) in the mean time...I really HATE not having a cell. Then, we went and got the new Hannah Montanna 3-D concert movie and the Camp Rock movie that both came out today (sigh). Kennedy has 2 neighbor girls over...they are in the basement right now...watching it. I fed them supper and I will be making them popcorn. Plus I bought (get this!) H.M cookies! (yup, Hannah Montanna cookies!)...we already have the sandwitch bags for school too...*sigh*...

I'm going to clean up a bit around here...and just relax. Maybe go down and scrapbook for a while again...and hopefully be in bed at a decent time again...

Tomorrow, if its not 'yucky' I'm gonna take the kids to Fort Edm...Thursday I will completely clean the house and make a good supper for my husbands return :o) I can't wait to see him!

Anyhow..thats Tuesday...thus far.

well he's gone.

And I am sad. I know its only for a few days but still...*I* feel 'homesick' knowing he will be so far away. At least when he was in Calgary I *could* have driven there if I had too...and knowing that made me feel better. But now I am all alone. He set the alarm for 3am, we did fall asleep at 1:30am...but the alarm didn't go off. So thankfully I woke up at 3:54am and was in a panic. He jumped up and showered and off we went. On the way to the airport, he started to cry (my poor husband!) and I felt so sad. He took my hand and said he wished that I was going and so on...he's so awesome. We did our hugs and kisses good bye and off he went to security. I brought Bandit along for company with me for the drive home. I got home and we both crawled back into bed...and slept for a little while. Fabe texted me when he got to Calgary at 6:30am. He was suppose to depart at 8:30am but due to fog in San Fran he was delayed until 10:30AM!!!!! He was suppose to get the connceting flight at 12:30 in San Fran but I havne't heard anything from him...I hope all is okay. I'm sure it is. He is suppose to be in Salt Lake at 4pm but I don't know beacuse if he missed the connection then who knows. Poor guy...

Then he will be home Thursday, work Friday. Off for the weekend to the lake. Then, he works Monday and Tuesday then he goes for his fly in fishing trip until Sunday...all this time without him. I don't like that....and the location of the fishing trip is really really remote so I doubt that I will get to talk to him much. And we talk ALOT of the phone throughout the day. My friend asked me what do we talk about so much? I don't know...he's my best friend. So just like I talk to them, I talk to him. I NEVER run out of stuff to talk to him about...I just don't.

I snuck in a card for him. I know that he didn't want to go...so I thought that this might make him feel better. Its a nice card and I filled up both sides...telling him how much I will miss him and how much I lovehim and yaadaayaadaa....he will be happy to see that. I added some pics of the kids in there of the ones I just got developed.

Well, today I layed in bed watching tv until 12:30pm and then went downstairs to eat something. A knock at the door startled me, as I wasn't expecting anyone. It was Fabes brother. Too funny. I was in panties and a tshirt so I told him to 'turn around' so I can run up and get dressed..it was SO funny. He was working in the area so he stopped by to see the kids. He had lunch and a drink and then headed off. My neighbors were outside and I walked him out to show him the trailer...I was in my pj pants and a tshirt and my hair is flying around as I took it out of the ponytail this morning when I got back from dropping off fabe. Its pretty funny to think what they are thinking..they know Fabe is gone...and here is me looking like I JUST crawled outta bed...walking this big black guy down the driveway....hahahahaha...

Anyhow...the kids willbe home soon. The house is messy. We need food. So I guess I will go scrapbook for a while before doing anything...as I can do that stuff whenthe kids get home...off to the cool basement....

Saturday..

Okay 19 mins from Sunday, actually!

Today was a great day! As mentioned in the Friday post...we have no children this weekend. Its been great. Last night we ended up at Moose Factory at the outdoor patio and we enjoyed supper and some drinks. Then our neighbors called us and invited us to River Cree. We hadn't been there yet, so I wanted to check it out. So we went there. It was SO much fun!!!! We (together) only gambled 100.00 (our big budget!) but we both played for hours on it...I did really good on Keno, put in 20.00 and was up to 100.00 but yeah....back down to $0.00! Ohhh well, like we gamble often anyhow...we got home at about 3am! Crazy! We slept in today...didn't do much at all. In fact, we didn't even eat!!!! Finally at 5pm we decided to go for supper and we went East Side Marios. Then we did some crap around the house (grass cut, sprinklers on, etc) and now Fabe is busy packing for Salt Lake City...we have to be at the airport at 4:30am! So we will leave here about 4am! Crazy hey! Is it even worth me going to sleep...hmmm...its 11:45pm now. Ugh, I will be soooo tired and the wosrt thing is that I won't be able to sleep once I get back home...maybe some Gravol will help with that ;o)

Fabe is 'only' getting his suitcase ready now...sigh.

Tomorrow the kids will be home so that will be nice. Not too sure what we will do this week. I was thinking of Calgary? But I don't know. We will have to bring Bandit and there are lots of hotels who will have dogs (almost all actually!) but I'm not sure how he will do in terms of barking...so I would like to find a place within the area of a Petcetera and put him in doggy daycare for the day...Dogs. I would be going along with Fabe actually, if it wasn't for this dog! I don't want to kennel him and neither of our moms wanted him. My mom has the kids and would have kept the kids but she lives in an apartment and its hard for her to take him for a walk everytime he needs to go out and the kids are still too young to go out alone in that area of downtown (Jasper Ave.) My mom will do it, but with notice. She just comes and stays here....but this was NO notice. ANyhow, its okay. The kids are back in 2 weeks to school then we will plan for our weekend away with one another plus we just had this weekend together..so we are fine...Fabe is anxious about going. He's such a homebody and doesn't want to go....I think he will cry (honestly!)

Well, its almost 12 and in 4 hours I will be on my way to drop him off...so I best be going and watch tv for awhile...obviously I'm not going to sleep (sigh!)

Later!

Frrrrrrriday!

Today is super hot-and I am LOVING it :o)

The kids just left with my mom for the weekend at the lake. Its been a long while since I have had no kids for the weekend..it will be a nice change-I guess.

Yestuday, I turned the big 3-3! We didn't do too much. Fabe brought home flowers and a cake for me...but I pretty much cleaned the whole house, made supper, cleaned up supper and then cleaned out the garage...so yeah...just like any other day (really!).

Today, I took back Mack's paintball gun as it was cheap and crappy (not cheap money wise, either!) and upgraded him to a nice one. Its super nice. So he is happy, and took it out to the lake with him this weekend. I should use this time to go get him his supplies...but ugh. Its hot and I am tired from all the cleaning yesturday so who knows...last time we had the 'heat wave' I decided to clean my house...it was soooooo gross (cleaning in the heat!) so I made sure to get it all done before the house gets all nasty and hot. Its still okay but after the weekend and what not I am sure it will be yucky...but I am NOT complaining!

Hmmmm, what else?

I'm bored already....can you believe it? At least with the kids here we would go to the spray park or whatever...but I can't now...ugh.

We aren't going camping this weekend as Fabe has to be at the airport Sunday morning at like 4am! (and yeah for me, getting to drive him!)...

He will be gone until Thursday...*sigh* then I am pretty sure we are going to the lake next weekend...then back to school. How depressing...

Anyhow, our other computer should be fixed soon...

Sept is home painting month....hmmm, thats what I should do...go pick out paint ideas (?) Bored....

Wednesday.

So babysitting went good last night with the boys. I got them to bed at 11pm. Then I figured out a way to 'room monitor' on my cordless phone to the other unit so I was able to sleep in my own bed and listen out for them off the other phone. It was great! Today I babysat again while my sister did more running around. I cleaned the mainfloor (thank God!) as it was getting pretty bad from them...so thats done. Today I picked up Mack as he had a contact fitting follow up appt at 4pm so we went to WalMart for that...I had a MASSIVE headache when I got there...ugh...so I found the pharmacy and a chocolate milk to down 2 pain killers...worked like a charm...thankfully. I ordered Mack new glasses, more contacts and set myself up with an appt for contacts...for when they are back in school. We shopped a bit there...I bought some Martha Stewart scrapbooking stuff...got ALL my photos done off the memory card...226 of them. Now I have some MAJOR scrapbooking of the summer stuff to get done...then I bought some house decorating stuff...came home put the sprinkler on. Mack bought himself a paintgun (90.00!) and some paintballs and C02 (80.00). So he quickly called his friend Nick who got him INTO paintballing in the first place. So he is over there for the night...oh boys. I got him to try on all of his new clothes, all fits..pretty good considering he wasn't there at all when I shopped for him...yeah me!

Then I hung up all of his clothes and was annoyed with the state of his walkin closet...so I decided to rip everything out of them...and here I sit in his tidy room...with piles of his old clothings and a HUUUGE bag of garbage. Now I am searching for a boy in need to give his clothes too. Its clothes that he never really wore...some more then others but its all NOT stained or ripped. Perfect condition...so yeah. Maybe I will call MIllwoods Family Resource Centre if they know of any families who they could give it too...I hate to give it to Goodwill because it ends up being 'middle class' people who buy the name brands anyhow...I do...but with back to school and knowing how much kids just want to wear the 'name' brands I want a child to feel good about their clothes...so yeah...we'll see.

So his room is nice and clean now...thankfully. Tomorrow I will wipe down the desk and dresser with hot soapy water and vacuum it to get it really clean feeling. Tomorrow is suppose to be hot...so I don't want to do too much cleaning as it gets gross in my house...

Anyhow..

Have a good night!