What a horrible life I have....

Just a few days ago I was so excited about my new opportunity as a daycare owner. The next day, Nov 1st I worked from 8am-11pm on my new daycare. The whole family was there and things were so much fun. We returned home at 11pm and Fabe and Mack went up stairs. I let the dog out, Kennedy warmed up a Boost. Fabe and I watched tv for a little while in bed, in our room while Mack was on his computer in his room. Kennedy was laying in her bed watching tv. Just before 12am we put the kids to bed and turned off the tv ourselves and went to bed. We planned to be at the daycare early the next day to work, work and work some more. At about 3am I woke up to a weird crackling sound. I layed there listening for a while and noticed our house seemed rather light...for that time of the night and the sound was only getting louder and louder...I immediately woke up Fabian and told him someone was doing 'something' to our windows downstairs. He grabbed his glasses and took off downstairs and began to scream 'get out of the house, get out of the house!!!" and I thought someone was in there...I went to the stairwell and noticed the amber lights on the side window. I clued in...a fire!!!!! I told Fabe to get the kids, and I ran back to the room and called '911'. I was on the corded phone in our bedroom on the upper level...Fabe went out with the kids...the 911 operator was insisting that I remain on the phone, I was arguing with her "My house in on fire, I'm upstairs...I have to get out!" she was saying I needed to remain on the line...I heard the fire alarms sounding...in the house and I knew that I needed to get out...fast...I was telling her this when the alarm system cut into the phone line...I ran down the stairs to the front door and my living room was covered in flames...I got outside and Mack was in his boxers and Kennedy in a nighty. Fabe passed me Bandit and we noticed that the fire was spreading to the fence and up the house....I told Fabe to go wake up the neighbors....the kids were screaming outside...which woke up the majority of the immediate neighbors...suddenly the fire jumped the fence and went right to the neighbors house...fabe got them out...just in time!!!! He went to Rachels house (other side of us) to wake her up as she was there with her kids and her dh out of town. Fabe was only in his boxers too. Me, I was in a tiny pair of shorts with one of Fabe's tanks tops. It was cold too! We watched helplessly as our house...the one we built only 4 yeas ago burnt. And there was nothing we could do about it. Fabe's quick thinking got the propane, gas and other accellerants out of the garage. Our block was full now, I was screaming "WHERE IS 911?" as we watched the fire gut our home...and then the neighbors...Fabe was crying, sobbing uncontrollably..I called my mom...and told her...woke her up...screaming...she immediately came down...got the kids...the kids were a wreck..she took them and the dog. It was horrible....the worst possible thing you can think about happening. The police and fire invertigators told us to come to the van to talk...we could only leave our house...burning...and later the room falling in....we were in complete shock...neighbors dressed us...piece by piece...it was so sad. So, surreal...just something that I thought that I would never be faced with....it just doens't happen to us.

That was only 3 days ago, and as I recall this...my teeth are chattering....and I'm shaking. I still can't believe it. We literally left with the (neighbors) shirts on our backs...not even our own shoes...just horrible. The house that I just love so much. I can't bare to look at my blog from this summer...just the feeling that my house gave me...so much joy. I was proud of my home...I worked hard to buy each thing. I placed each item 'just so' it was my pride and joy maintaining such a nice home. One that I was proud of. Then there is the things that I can't replace...the kids pictures, the scrapbooks I made...the many many albums of the kids from babies to now...this past summer album of all of our camping trips...its just sooo sad. Since the fire, no one has gone in. A fire investigator fell through the kitchen floor, as the fire entered through the dryer vent and went into thebasment..where my scrapbooking stuff is..some parts of the house are 'so good' and I can't wait to have those items back...but other items I will never ever see again :o( and it breaks my heart. That feeling of 'my bed' being so comfy and warm...knowing I will never ever again sleep in my bedroom. The bedding in Kennedys room since she was 2 years old...gone. Her procedure bear...from a nurse when she was born...she took that bear everywhere when she had bloodwork or whatever...every single hospital stay the bear 'teddy' was there. As soon as we got outside from the fire...she was screaming for her Teddy....she knew she needed it. Mack loved his room, as most preteens do. He had it set up just as he loved it...but its all gone. He even left without his glasses...that we just bought...

But we all got out safely. Yes, I'm grateful for that. But I'm missing my house so much. All of the years of gathering stuff. All of my Christmas stuff...all of the things we shopped so cautiously for...deciding on where each item willbe. I loved dispplaying all of our travel stuff...gone...the Cuba man and lady I bought that I so much loved....gone...everything..gone. The things I have been saving since I was a little girl...my childhood diaries..my children's first outfits...the papers from their birthdays...ugh...so much...how do you get past that???

We are at a hotel now. Its been yucky. We had no clothes. We bought some. Plus, we got Mack some contacts and then ordered another pair of glasses...we each have a few outfits now...not nearly enough yet...but its better then the jammies we left with.

Things are hard. We cry so much in a day....I hate this life....I really do. I took my house for granted...

I loved that house...

The fire investigaton is now over. We thought it was arson..but it was the power. I'm sure it will turn into a big investigation...its nice to know someone wasn't trying to kill us! But will we ever sleep again, soundly???

We rented a house, its around the same area...so thats nice. I'm scared to sleep there. Up there. No windows on the side of the house...that side window could have saved our lives...ugh...

Anyhow, lifes been complete and utter hell...I can't see being happy anytime soon. I just want to wake up, and be back to my life....I miss it soooo much...I miss cooking supper. I miss, the warmth....of my home. We designed that home. We put SO much effort into building it...we loved that house....