What do you consider yourself to be?
I feel that I am a very unselfish person. I truely want the best for people in my life. There are never times that I am jealous of people for what they have, or wish that it was me. I am always thinking about other people first. I always worry about people when they are going through a hard time. I call, call, call my friends because I am thinking about them. I sometimes wish that I wasn't this way. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't me though. I don't seem to 'fit' with other people because I just care too much about things. And, sometimes its a burden. Fabe always tells me he loves me so much, because of the person who I am. People blow my mind when they meet me, and they later say how much they loved my personality. At work, parents will tell my boss or the staff that they chose our daycare because of me. I don't get it. Honestly, I don't. I know that I am a good person. But being good doesn't always pay off. I have changed so much in the past couple of years. As I get older, the more compassionate I become about people. I feel sad for people, who I don't even know when they talk about something that they are going through. I'm told that "your so quiet" yet, I don't see it. I truely care for my friends, I really really do...but feel that it gets me no where fast. Fabe thinks that maybe I need to meet new people and find a better fit for me, as we all change. But sometimes I don't have interest in that, and really can't be bothered. I don't know.
No point to this post, but I was just thinking about some things while I was washing my floors (lol) and it got me thinking. And, sometimes I think that it doesn't pay off being a good person. I mean, I don't know what I am expecting (if anything) but I just wonder about this. Usually you surround yourself with people who are likeminded but I can only count a few people who I feel really care for me back. I dunno. I guess that I am just saddened by the fact that there are so few people whom I can relate too. I mean, don't get me wrong. I have friends, friends who I know care and would do anything to help me out if needed...but I also have 'friends' who I feel are 'friends' with me for their own reasons...not necessarily because they care.
Anyhow.
Gotta go have a shower and get ready to go out!
Tara
6 comments:
Being a good person does pay off, maybe not right now but in the future. You should be proud of the person you are :) .
Oh I wonder who wrote something and then erased....hmmmm Jane, can you show me how to check the thingy to see who was on here???Come out, come out whoever you are...
Hey Tara - did you sign up with sitemeter? If you did then just click onto it and it will take you to the site...then click on details or locations and match up the time of the comment (8:09pm) with the people on your site then.
HTH helps a little.
As for friendships....I'm not very sociable - just a few friends is enough for me....and I decided a year or 2 ago to end friendships of convenience (often the other persons convenience)
Now I have a (very)few good friends whose company I love! They are people I can spend time with and feel good afterwards....so often in the past I have had 'friends' yet after spending time with them I felt worn out or 'used'....life is too short to spend like that.
I hope you find some friendships that are a better match Tara.
Maybe you just live in the wrong area ;) lol!
LOL *blush* it was me that erased my non-sensical, long-winded comment. Believe me, you didn't miss anything LOL.
Jane, thank you for that...I guess that I don't have to see who it was now...where is sitemeter though ;) for next time.
And you said it so perfectly. I have a few friends who think about me all of the time. They call, send cards,etc. I often feel that I don't deserve such wonderful friends like that. But then, the 'other' friends that you have mentioned are the ones who I seem to try to have around me often though. But they are the ones who NEVER (ever) care to see how I am or my children are. Its just all about them. Thats where the unselfishness in me comes out. I love to hear about my friends and thier kids. I WANT to know that they are doing good. I WANT to hear about their children's activites and schooling. But in return I want them to remember that I too, have children who are in the same things as their children, yet they don't care. Its only about them...
Anyhow,
thanks!
Tara
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