House Update...

burnt insullation in my 'would be' garden...

Well the foundation is done, the weeping tile is done...and the power is there. As you see there is LOTS of water in there. But the stuff was there to start the garage pilings. As well the blueprints are there which means the framers are starting to look at the plans...I personally can't wait for them to start framing!!!!

more 'things'...

"Family is Everything"... since renting I can't make any changes to the house so I found these great stickers from Rafters and they look really good they are 'my' kind of decorating so this is good that we are able to find things like this to make it feel more like home :o)
The awesome Goodwill flower arrangement that I found, its goes perfect in my kitchen!

My old school measuring cup set...love it!!!!Another Goodwill find!

Another Goodwill find. Again, I saw this and knew that I needed it. I bought a chair like this for my front porch and then later at Goodwill I found a matching ottoman and it looks great out there. This chair, I kept at my front entrance...it goes great there!

My front entrance table...everything is Goodwill :o) And the table was 10.00 at a garage sale...I love front entrance tables....I already bought a really old antique dresser at Goodwill for my new house for the front entrance table....I'm not sure if I will keep this one at my new house (as the wood isn't my wood color) but for 10.00 it sure did work well for here!

Yeah!!!! I found these 2 packs of pill containers at G.W and they will be perfect for Kennedys pills. I did have a pill container already but this is one is so much bigger and easier for her to read!

My scrapbooking/crafting space so far. This a HUGE bonus room. But since the rental furniture got taken away...we have our new patio set up there (lol) that I'm saving for my new yard next year...so rather then store it, why not use it !!! So we are using it up there. There is a fireplace and non tv up here. I just need a table and some more shelvin and I am set. The white buffet thingy is from Value Village was 40.00!!!!!!! It will be perfect for my new scrapbooking space in my new house!

The good thing about this room is thesun, it shines in there so the patio set works perfectly...plus when I want to break from crafting then I can rest on my patio set and pretend its on a sunny deck somewhere....lol!

MoreGW things, but do you see that native art? Its from a real store, its numbers and pure marble....it was 5.00 at GW!!!!!

My newest find, a homemade onion bin...I LOVE IT! It will be perfect for my new HUGE pantry!!!!I have looked for one like this forever!!!!

pictures of some of the things that I am loving...

Some of my Goodwill finds....I bought this BAR sign for our garage...for Fabian.

This is from Rafters....I LOOOOOOVE Rafters!!!!

Our little country stuff...love it.

I don't know what I will do with this, but I loved it and I'm not sure what I will do with it but I had to get it :o)

basket of goodies....magazines and a Willow Tree angel...from Goodwill

And My FAVORITE store...

well I tried...LMAO!

I'm feeling so uninspired lately. But reading some 'fun' blogs and especially domestic-crafting type blogs are making me feel 'into it' again. I miss my old life so much sometimes, the freedom to just go down and scrapbook or do a craft. I miss all the things I use to have...but I'm slowly getting there. I will again, it will take time. So, I set up a scrapbooking area and its going good now. I know that in the fall I will do more. Yesturday I tried it and since I don't have a table or desk I was sitting on the floor up there and I so badly wanted to do it (scrap) but sitting on the floor wasn't fun. THEN, to top it off I have a whole bunch of photos that are badly burnt, but they aren't 'nice' enough to get restored so I'm scrabooking them anyhow. So I stuck them on the paper and then added in some stickers and what not then put them in the album and then it all peeled off and feel off and lifted off and looked like crap! Then I was pissed off that I had SUCH pretty albums before and now they look like crap trying to re-do them. Anyhow...so I stopped.

Our rental furniture is gone now. We have a pretty-empty-house...but we will get there. As well, ServiceMaster dropped off our boxes and now our garage is FULL of boxes from stuff they got out of our house (and garage, mostly garage junk!) but some boxes are kitchen things. So in order to use them we have to unpack them, clean them then put them away...on top of that, we have to repack the boxes and put them in our storage unit. AS well, our storage unit that we have been filling up has gophers in it! There is gopher crap EVERYWHERE...so somewhere in here we have to change units before they start living in our new mattresses and wrecking things. SO much to do plus work and the kids and enjoy the lake and try to find time to go visit dad in Saskatchewan. Its hectic!

Work is good. The summer is slower but Sept will be busy again. Its going good. I like to be off someday by 1pm!

The kids are good. They are enjoying summer this far. I try to do fun things with them on my days off so they get to experience everything. They did Taste Of Edmonton, K-Days, Fort Edm park so far. We are hoping to hit up a day at Sylvan Lake beach and the Edmonton waterpark (Wild Waters). Thats for July's goals.

August-not sure yet. August is really really busy for me. I have to work 1 full week in August which limits me to where I can go. Plus Fabe and I are off to Vegas for a week (last week) so that only leaves 2 weeks in there. Not alot of time. The summer is going by SO fast. I wish it would just slow down. I enjoy summer so much...its sad its the short season for us.

The house- well its taking forever to see progress! So far, its got the power to the site again, a foundation, weeping tile and they just backfilled it. Soon, they should start framing...I'm desperate to see some sort of progress. Especially the framing! I think the house will be very beauitufl once done. We added in great options and I think it will make us very happy to be back there. We miss living there So much.

We are still enjoy the lakelot so much. I have it all set up and I really enjoy being there. Its just so peaceful. I love it.

Well I better get some work done here (at work) if I want to leave nice and early today!

Okay, lets try this again.

I am going to try to get back into blogging as it was something that I use to love doing. AND, since I'm getting my life back together I think that I am ready. I have been looking back in the old blog posts and wondering "what was I doing this day last year?" and its neat to see. Still very painful considering how much changed since last year this time. Back then, I felt like I had no worries...

BUT, I'm doing good. Really good. There are some days that I start thinking about the great loss that we have suffered but I am at a point where I think 'you know what? we are okay now so why go there?"

The house was demo'd about 3 weeks ago. Our neighbors poor house is STILL standing...man...but ours was done and already we have the foundation done, the weeping tile and soon they should start framing. We have picked out all of the 'stuff' we are getting (upgrades) and the electrical is all done with (where plugs will go, etc) so thats good. We added in a few little 'treats' for ourselves...nothing major but we upgraded the wooden railings to wrought iron with wood details, we added the chefs package (who is the chef? I don't know!) but some little things. It will be a lovely house but most of all I just can't wait to be back in the neighborhood. We are missing out so much...but we visit often.

We rented a seasonal lot this year just 15 mins from the city. We still have the Lac La Biche cabin but since this year is SO different than last year we have to be closer to the city. The daycare is the big thing, I can't just leave the city as I use to on Fridays in case anything with the centre. I have to be back Mondays. So we stuck the trailer at the close lakelot. We rented a great lot. Its beautiful and has full services so its great and I can get my yard work fix there! Although I did manage to fix up the rental house a little! It was HORRIBLE as its been JUST a rental propery after it was a showhome (5 years ago) its been so neglected! So I have been working away on it and its to a point where it is good out front. The back, I dunno. We water it all of the time but its a lost cause. I cann't wait to do stuff at my new house...

The kids are good. Kennedy has been very heatlhy, as well as Mack. Mack will be in grade 8 and Kennedy grade 4. They just returned from a 5 days stay with grandmas at the lake. They got in tubing, quadding and summer fun! So thats good. This week they aren't happy that I work 3 days but we plan on doing fun things on my days off..at least I'm pretty close to home and dont feel like I have to be here...

Nothing much to report.

I would like to get my camera hooked up to one of the computers so I can add photos and get back into blogging...so make sure to return often...

:o)

Heeeeelllllooooooooooo???????

Anyone out there???

Did I loose my blog-readers? Are you still there???

An update...

Well. We have had some progress in terms of the house. The house, the house, the house..ALL we seem to think and talk about. We picked out another house a while back. We waited forever for insurance to give the 'go ahead' which they did Friday. Tomorrow we are going to sign off the offer for the builder and go from there. Of course, we have added in some things that we want (and had before!!!!) so we will have to pay from pocket. Ugh. So hopefully they will get it going soon. Its the permits they said that will take a while. The demo one, then building, etc. The house looks horrible..half standing. Poor thing...I go there sometimes and only stand in the front entrance now as its very unstable...but I go there when I feel like being home...I love that house and I never want to forget it. I was going through some pictures on albums that I have saved on Snapfish and I have sooooo many photos of the house. Thankfully I have reordered them. I don't know what to do with them, but something for the kids I think. A story of our house...as we lived there for almost 5 years...its the home they will always remember too. It STILL surreal to me. I sometimes just turn down that street and then remember...this isn't the way home...and have to turn back around. Sometimes, I just go there. I open up the security fence and sneak in there...last time I just sat on the back deck remembering all of my love for the backyard in the summers...my flowers, Kennedy and the neighbor girls on the trampoline...firepits back there...so much. So we'll see what I will do with the photos but its not a rush...I have sooooooooo many things to REscrapbook. Its killing me...so I'm going to start from this past summer as it was a really great summer.

The daycare is good. We have 9 spaces left in the whole daycare now...craaaaazy!!! Last week I was dying, it was SOOOOO busy and understaffed. This week its dead (lots of parents are students and its reading week). But we have full staff now so its MUCH better. Hopefully by summer I will get LOTS of time off. I miss the kids so much...I feel like I really need some times with them...I use to being home so much more. I miss cooking suppers (In MY kitchen) baking on the weekends...just so much. *sigh*

I have began the long healing process of therapy. It was one day only but I go every week now...I need to find some help with the sleeping thing. Its horrible. I lay awake 'waiting' for something bad to happen. She (my therapist) told me it has more to do with an incident when I was 14 years old and a man broke into my house while I was sleeping....I was traumatized (and I know that!) it took me 10-15 years to sleep alone in a house...and I was 'there' and fine with it. Now, I'm right back to the start. Its so not fair. I check the windows...secuirty camera...listen. We no longer sleep with a fan blowing...I *might* not hear sounds then. Its bad. Really, bad.

Hmmm, what else. I am SO looking forward to camping this summer. More then ever! I can't wait to be in my trailer (our home!!!) and see some of our things. We still have nothing to our names...they are writing off our last remaining furniture...my 33 year old dining set :o(
And, they do have some kitchen stuff of ours they said...but we haven't gotten anything back. I can't wait to have things of ours...old things. I no longer have nothing from my childhood left...sad.

But I'm feeling better. I know that I am on the 'healing path' now...I feel better and function better. Poor memory still, but she said thats common with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome...the kids have yet to be seen....she wants me 'healthy' first....so thats the plan.

Last weekend I bought LOTS of scrapbooking stuff. I thought that I was ready. But I'm not so sure...I 'tried' to do it and couldn't. Instead I ended up upset about the photos that I chose to work on (the summer ones I mentioned before) and seeing them in back shape and seeing them, knowing they were once scrapbooked...all that time, thought that went into it....just sucks. In the new house, Fabian arranged for me to have an actual scrapbooking room. Its going to be a small bedroom sized room in the basement with a window and plugs...(lol) and it will be my space! Not sure if I will be okay with a basement at this point...I NEVER ever ever go down in the basement here despite it being fully developed. I'm still very uneasy about this house...its taking a while. Its on a very busy road and I just am not use to the cars zipping by and the bass booming...and yeah. But all will be fine. Soon summer will come, well as soon as camping season hits...I'm out of here! I really can't wait. I hope to sleep good in there but I've been thinking if a fire started in there...oh my that would sure go up fast.

Today the fire investigator called again. Well actually he called at the start of Feb. for a 3 month follow up. Plus, he had to get his full fire investigation report in to insurance so back a few weeks ago he asked more about the power when the fire happened. We know we had partial power only..as when I woke up the digital cable box (to see the clock) wasn't on nor was the fan. He wasn't certain it was the power metre. It made me feel insecure. What could it have been then? A person? But he explained they have had 3 electricians look at it and they all feel power. So anyhow, today he called and said that they had hydrovac'd up the service line and he is now 100% certain it was power....looking at the wire. Not sure what the wire proved (someone told me it could have been spliced) not sure....anyhow. It my insurance company is going to sue our builder (who will sue the electrical company) then I'm thinking we will follow up too. Not to 'get rich' but to make up for the stupid 20% that they don't compensate, for our missed work, time to get new passorts, all new ID, search through contents and the 300 page lists, time for running around to showhomes looking at plans, etc...most of all the emotional health. I'm not a 'suer' never sued anyone....been in car accidents didn't try to get money...but in this case..this has affected my WHOLE life...my whole family has been affected. Knowing someone installed shitty work to save time or wire..doesn't sit well with me...knowing it was 'supposily' inspected and passed...I don't know. The same electrical company is the one our new builder uses...I'm NOT okay with that. When they know its our house...yeah...nope. Not gonna happen.... but we haven't contacted a lawyer or anything....but I'm still in the angry phase and if someone is responsible I want to see them suffer (sound horrible, I know!!!)

Anyhow....but I AM doing okay...

This week my sister will be down for teachers convention...her nanny will be watching my kids so thats good. We don't have any major plans or anything soon. I'm thinking we could all use a trip to Jasper or something though...so we will see. And, other then that...not too much. Waiting for winter to leave us...looking forward to spring...getting the trailer (did I mention that yet???) and then camping!!!!

Hey :o)

Thought that I would check in. Not to much is new. We went to Fort Mac on Monday for a visit with my sister and her family. It was great, my dad was up there too so I was able to see him. We ended up staying for 3 night rather then the 1 we had planned for. We spent New Years up there too. We went to my sisters neighbors house (my Uncles neighbor too) for N. Y's and it was great. It was soooooo nice to sleep in aplace (sisters) thats familiar. Night time has been hard since being back here, I worry someone is going to try to start our house on fire...while we are sleeping. I wish it didn't happen while we were sleeping...nighttime makes me really anxious...and bedtime is actually almost 'painful'...it almost hurts to go to bed. We ALL have counselling appt on Friday, so thats good...I don't want to go with the kids and Fabian...I don't want the kids to know how I feel...as I act like I'm okay. Anyhow, we will begin the healing process...the sooner the better. I feel that I can't sleep good here, because Fabe would have slept through the fire...and so would have the kids....they are deep sleepers. But I'm usually a deep sleeper too, but now I have to be on edge...I might not hear something if I sleep well. Its horrible. It really really is...the fire alarm NEVER went off as it was buring on the outside of the house..so had I not woken up then we would have kept sleeping and possibibily the roof would/could have collapsed on us while we were sleeping...we would have all died. Macks room was the very very worst, his bed is just burnt metal..ugh...anyhow. You get the point...I can't sleep worth crap....

The house. Nothing is happening on that part. They are still (wasting time) trying to decide if they are going to put down new foundation...so the burnt damaged one has been sitting now for 2 months in brutal cold, snow and moisture and they might want to build a house on it???? My house???? Yeah, no. So we will wait for them to decide then we will fight them (with a lawyer, if need be) that we won't take a repaired foundation. So, hopefully they use common sense and allow it to be removed. We have picked out a new house...but it depends on the foundation. We aren't going to build the exact same layout...but close. We don't want to live with the constant memory of the fire..same layout and everything....I still can't believe that I am typing this. So hopefully they decide soon...I just want to look forward to building again...be excited about something....anything...our other issue is this house....the guy will be back at the end of this month..we aren't sure if we can stay this long as we were told by the contractor that it will take about 9 months for the whole process..and we told this guy that...now our insurance lady said we will be lucky if its done in a year or a year and a half. Yuck. The house builder we picked, submitted a quote already that included taking over the house, right now 'as is' and demolishing it and everything...they just have to 'hand it over' to them and they will take care of it all. She liked that idea, but needs more quotes...grrrrrr!!!! They KNOW it has to come down, so at least work on that...gosh. Something....

Daycare-I'm so excited to focus on that. Its licensed and all approved. We just need kids now!!!! Its beautiful in there. I love it. I really do...having kids there will really be good for me...I just want to play and take my mind off everything else...its like therapy..

And, thats about it...

I welcome 2009 proudly. I have lots of plans for myself...and I hope this time next year we will be in the new house...back in our neighborhood...and I hope that very soon we will get past the anxiety of sleep and nighttime...

Tara

Glad Christmas is over with.

First off, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I was not at all into Christmas this year. I had purchased gifts ahead of time in our old house, thinking about getting ready for Christmas ahead of time. Then I had to rebuy stuff and just all of my beautiful Christmas stuff being gone..it was just too much. Thankfully we had the trip booked to Vegas. It was a true blessing. We had a great time. For the first time in almost 2 months, I was actually happy. Actually more then 2 months as I was sick with pregnancy all of Oct. Anyhow, it was a great getaway. We needed it more then we knew. We slept good. We enjoyed family time. It was hard the day we were leaving because we knew that we had to face reality again. For some reason, this house isn't 'home' for me yet. I mean it will take a while, I know that but still its not comfortable. I guess its because none of these things in this house are ours. Its weird. We have no attachment to this stuff or this house. Anyhow, I still dont' sleep good in here. I was thinking since we slept so well in Vegas maybe we should have opted out of renting this house and just stayed in a hotel suite the whole time but I know this is better. I feel for the kids. Especially Kennedy who is an outside kid...days like today when its nice out she would be playing with ALL of the neighborhood kid but instead she is here, inside. The summer will be harder for her since she use to be out 9am-9pm. But we will see...I wish it would feel better soon. I didn't take one picture on my camera the whole trip. I'm so so angry about my scrapbooks still. My mom bought me a scrapbook kit and I think I will return it. I'm just so mad that my hard work and my pride is gone. I did get back quite a few pictures but still....I'm not sure what to do with them. My sister suggested putting them into photoalbums but they are cut as they were scrapbooked at one time. *sigh*

I'm feeling pretty down, to be honest. I just don't know what else to do. I am soooo thankful that we are all safe. I 'get' that. But I'm just so sad. I hate feeling like this. My dad was telling me in time it will feel better and we will be happy again...but man..2 months is a long time to be so sad. It hurts everyday. Its a loss, and I know I'm still greiving the loss of my house. I wish I could do something to get over this. Not even to have my house back, but just to feel better soon. I'm so scared to sleep here, I'm worried I will sleep too well and not wake up in case something happens, I wish the fire didn't happen while we slept. I was going to ask my dr for something to help me sleep but I know I won't be able to take it...for fear that I won't wake up. I know the idea of another fire happening to us is rare..but still you never know. It could take a neighbors house and then ours...this yard isn't fenced, what if someone starts a fire to this house? Ugh...its horrible...absolutely horrible living in fear. I fear so much now...its stupid. I wish I can go back to me. I miss me so much...my life was so good. I looked at pictures of my blog from last summer...the yard and inside the house pictures...I already forget some of the things about that house...and I don't want to forget it. I still can't believe I will never ever be in that house again...

I know my posts are just a repeat of what I have already said. But I still feel like this. What else CAN I do? How can I move forward...just with time everyone tells me...time will make it better. I don't want to be stuck here in this spot anymore...I 'want' to move forward...

I'm going to go ahead with counselling for me...and the kids. Kennedy needs it...she cries often about missing the house, and bawls instantly when she sees pictures of the house...its heartbreaking...she doesn't understand why bad stuff happens to us....I try to tell her how good of a life we have...but she ends up talking about she's the only one who has to take enzymes in her glass and she hates it and hates having CF and its bad...and then the house. She's feeling sorry for herself...and I can't blame her. At least in the end, we have our health...she fights to breath most days...its not fair. Really, its not.

Anyhow. Fabian's brother has the kids at a movie. Which is really good...Fabe and I are relaxing...the hosue is a mess. We need to go buy some totes to put our Christmas stuff away in....start the whole collection again. Its good to see the kids with stuff in their rooms again...it makes them feel better...

I am looking forward to a New Year...I look forward to the joy of getting that excitement of building a new house...hopefully we feel excited...I look forward to putting this incident behind us...and thinking about other things besides the 'house, the house'...and I hope that we have a happy year...and hopefully getting my memory to be better as I can't remember anything anymore...its horrible but I have been told its a side effect of severe trauma...hopefully it gets better...but I really hope that 2009 is a good year for us...I am hoping to volunteer somewhere on a regular basis...not sure where but I need to do something 'helpful' again...

I was sad to hear about another house fire...Christmas day...very sad. House is gone...another family going through this again...ugh. So sad...every fire will hit me very hard. Firefighters were injured in this fire, thankfully they got out without major injuries...I still think about the Sherwood Park people too and I wonder how they are coping...verrrrry sad...

These days...

These days are going okay for us. I've been down for a little while, since I heard about the Sherwood Park fire. I was so sad to hear that more people are victims of fires. Its so sad knowing that out there, not far away are people feeling helpless...like we were feeling not long ago. I hate knowing that people are hurting like we were. I don't wish this to ANYone...not even my worst 'enemy' (which I don't have one) but still. I would never want anyone to go through this. Its horrible...but the first few days are the worst. The day it happened, early hours Sunday we were just in shock...but come that night and checking into a hotel..it was becoming too real. For the FIRST time in my whole entire life..staying in a hotel was 'home'...it was so hard knowing that we didn't have a home to go 'home' to when we checked out of the hotel. The feeling of having 'nothing' is a bad bad feeling.

I'm very very overwhelmed.....there is just so much going on in my life...I need a day off. Honestly.

1) the daycare, we have a open house tomorrow night. Means the daycare has to be completely perfect and clean and ready to go...then we run 3 more in the next week or so. So we have been trying to get that all done, which entails tons of shopping and putting stuff together and so on....its brutal.

2) Vegas. We booked it in May, for Christmas. Our passport (which they pulled out of our house) are water damaged. So much so that they won't let us travel with them. So, we went to reapply...and we couldn't because Fabe has to apply for a Canadian Citizen card again...(his was never found) so we had to do that...register mail it and get proof that we have sent it....so we did passport pictures...and then because our passports are damaged we had to swear in how they were damaged and fill out a Declaration of damaged passport form..which we needed a commissioner to sign....so we had to find one...ugh....

3) House stuff. We are battling with the insurance company....they want to keep the damaged foundation....and they want us to have quotes for building a new hosue...but no builders will build on a damaged foundation....or even on a repaired one. They have to completely replace 1 wall and reapir one other wall. Everyone says just to rip it all off and start from fresh....so we have been trying to find a hosue to build....under pressure. Its not 'fun' as we built the house we wanted....we dont' want to do this again.

4) I'm feeling really sad about sending Bandit to the kennel....really sad. He's been through SO much....and he will be so sad sitting in a kennel for 1 week :o(

5) Christmas stuff...I miss my decorations....all the 'babys first christmas' things we hung on the 'kids tree' all of their things they made...and yeah...just so much...

6) Christmas shopping.....not nearly where I should be....

7) I've been thinking about my scrapbooks and photos....I worked so hard on them...and they are gone :o( I loved making them...I loved all my pictures I took. I loved my scrapbook area....

So much.....its so hard to move on....

update....-

Well life is still hectic. On Wenesday morning Kennedy woke up with tummy pains. This is not something new for us, as she has chronic tummy pains and especially in the mornings. So she continued on with her regular routine of getting ready in the morning but the more she moved around the more she was in pain. Like pain-pain. I (of course) said that she can stay home for the morning and we will see how she is doing by the afternoon. So I packed her up and off we went to the daycare. She didn't look well so I assumed that she had a flu. So, I made her a bed at the daycare and I went on with my work there. She slept and played her ds. By 11am she felt like she would be able to do lunch. So she ate her thermos of lunch and quickly puked it up. While she was up and about she was doubled over in pain, crying. I got her to lay down, and she slept again. She woke up at 2pm and felt hungry and had a handful of peas in a pod. Fast, she threw them up again. She was walking to the bathroom to puke but wasn't even able to walk as she was in SO much pain. We went to the bathroom and I noticed TMI her puke was pure bile. I called the CF clinic and luckily it was clinic day so they got us in. We headed over to the U of A and saw our doctor who immediately said he was admitting her. There was no beds, so he sent us to emergency. We got to emerg, along with the CF nurse. We got checked in, saw the doctor who said she was just constipated and ordered an enema. He waved off the lump that concerned our doctor and the fact it was unreal pain for her. However in a hospital bed, not moving too much she was fine. She had soup, and kept it down. So they let us out (after the one enema) on our way out the door...the pain began from walking...the doctor saw this and stopped us and said that he would like to do another enema. So we did that. Nothing passed. It didn't do anything. We finally left. We went to bed at 11pm and Kennedy woke me up and 4am complaining about her tummy and said she 'felt like crap'. So I got up with her, got her settled into bed again. 4:30am I could hear her puking in the bathroom. She was in so much pain. Fabe couldn't believe the pain she was in. We made her a bath at 5:30am to try to help the pain. She was puking so much and screaming in pain. I left a message for the CF staff again. They called at 9am (after hours of pain and puking) and they were SO mad that we even got sent home. Our cf dr called me, and heard her in the background. He said that she has an obstruction and to get back to emerg and he was going to walk down there himself and tell them she needs to be treated. So we went there again...we got there at 9:30am. We SAT in emerg for hours and hours...she was in pain and puking there but a little with resting in bed. She slept on and off. Finally we had an ultrasound...and then sat again down in emerg. It was brutal!!!!! At 5:30pm they did an IV. Then at 10:30pm they said that she has 400 mls of this drink to drink every hour. I was SO pissed off that they wanted us to start this NOW at this time of night after sitting there ALL day doing nothing. I was soooooo mad. She drank the first glass and puked it up. Her pain was totally increasing. They finally ended up attemping to put an NG tube in. She was FREAKING out, and they stuck it into her lung. It was HORRIBLE to see this. She was trying to breathe and choking and coughing..it was sooooooooooo horrible. They took it out and left us for a while longer. At midnight they came in with another nurse who put it in and she was great and gentle and took the time to talk to Kennedy and calm her down. It went in and the fluid began going in. But her pain was just unreal. She was so tired. She would fall fast asleep and then wake up 7-9 mins later in pain. It was like contractions. It was brutal. This went on, and I requested pain meds....they came in with liquid tylenol. I was like 'what will this do for her? she is in extreme pain!!" Soon 4 am came (24 hours up for the both of us!) and she was done. She was saying things like "I don't think I will make it mommy!" and stuff like that...she was in soooooo much pain. Finally I went out to the dr and told him to give her something...he said he would look into it. Another hour went by and he knew full well that she was in so much pain as his desk was right outside of our room. I went out there, bawling....and told him that I was going to loose it. I told him, that no one should have to undertake that amount of pain and not have anything for it. I told him she is puking non stop and that the tylenol would do nothing for her anyhow. Finally, I told him to get her something now. The nurse came in with Morphene by her IV. It knocked her rightout....we slept from 5:30am-7:45am until they moved us upstairs. Up there, we couldn't sleep either as the nurses on the ward did the admission forms and then the dr's came in and blah blah blah. I was soooooo done. She passed some small amount of 'stuff' but the pain remained a little bit but NOTHING like before. I think the pain meds helped her bowel to relax as well. My dr had already consulted surgery to see us, thank GOD we didn't have to do that. I thought for sure we were going to have too, as it was 'that' bad. I have never seen her (or any other child) in that much pain. And Kennedy has a high pain tolerance. She lives with tummy pains all of the time. It takes ALOT for her to be 'sick'. Cf has never kept her down....ever.

We choose to leave Friday night. They told us a few days in there, but once things started to pass we signed out early.

Saturday my sister was down. But I went shopping for the day with a friend. I needed to buy some Christmas stuff and some clothing. I miss my Christmas stuff so bad. I had all of the "Baby's First Christmas" and stuff from when I was little. I had beautiful stuff for Christmas. I prided on my stuff. Actually I miss my kitchen stuff too, alot. There is just so much that I miss. Shopping was really hard on me. Again, something that I use to enjoy. But it was so hard. Every item reminded me of the things that we had. Sure, its things that can be replaced. But even the feeling I got from those things, seeing those things or the smell of those things. I never realized that I loved my house so much. The other day, I walked through the house. It really really depressed me and I haven't been back there since...about a week ago now. I went upstairs to all of the rooms...it is just so sad. I was in my room and I just thought that if that lady wasn't with me, I would love to crawl into my bed and get under those blankets and just enjoy the feeling of 'home'. The feeling of trusting the house...feeling totally safe in there. I was thinking about when we first built that house. It took me about 2-3 years to get past the feeling of being scared in there. And it was a huge milestone being able to stay there while Fabe was in training in Calgary and then again in Salt Lake City. It will take me a long time to be use to this house....then we will move back over there then I have to trust a house again...this is years of my life. I've now been a victim of a break in (while home) and now a house fire (while home). I use to not be able to sleep due to scared of someone breaking in...but now I'll be scared of that and a fire. I meet stupid odds, I really do. We are doing okay. The kids are adjusting well now. I think I am okay. Today I thought about the pictures that I dont have from camping this summer. What a waste on scrapbooks. I had to peel pictures out of my pretty scrapbook pages of the kids...they are cut to suit certain pages but now they are just pictures. At least I have them, I know...but its a tiny pile...compared. I went to Old Navy to buy some clothes tonight and saw Micheals store. A place I use to love and loooooved walking about in there thinking about the scrapbook stuff. I had recently bought a whole bunch of the things there for scrapbooking as I knew that I would be at home and more time to do it. I lost ALL of my books too...I had a pretty good collection of them.

Anyhow, I think that I am doing okay. I have been working on the daycare lots now....and its looking really great. Its very nice. We are very very close of being all done. Come January we will be busy with that. We have so much to do...everyday we figure out something else that we need to buy. At least I have more then 3 pairs of pants now.

Tomorrow night Kennedy and I are going to see Carrie Underwood. I'm very happy we did this. We both really need a night away to enjoy. Not a night of shopping and doing running around...

Mack had his 12th birthday party sleepover Friday night...I at least got to be there for a while. He had a great time...

Anyhow, thats the update for now...hopefully there is no issue with blogger to post it as its a HUGE update...

And thank you so very very very very much to every single of one of you...you have given of yourselves to us....in this time of need. I'm not a good taker, at all. I don't like to take help. I like to help. Its been very hard for me to accept help...but thank you for you who have given (material things) or given (supportive). It means so very much...I don't know what I would have without you guys!!! So thank you again....100000000 times...

Today was a bad day :o(

Today I had a really bad day. The morning was fine and good...but once I went to the house...our house...I was so sad. I just wanted to be there so badly. I saw some totes in the garage and I was so happy. I got permission from the supervisor (on the phone) to go into the garage and see the totes. I almost died when I saw Kennedys scrapbook all melted together...as one big hard lump. It was sooooo sad. I almost died. Then it only got worse when there was Mack's albums sitting in totes full of water. WATER! They did nothing but totally reassure me that MY pictures will be their TOP priority. I was so sad and mad. All of my albums are trashed. I bawled. It was soooooo upsetting. I held hope in those albums down in the basement but I didn't know that they would actually be burnt. We did manage to get some photos out of there...thankfully. Some of Kennedy's baby pics. But her NICU album...the ONLY pics I have of her first month of life was really soaked and bad. Its horrible having no control of your stuff. Then a guy on site, some 20-something year old told me 'you can't be here!" and I was taken back. I told him I spoke to Mike and he okay'd it. Actually, he okay'd it for us to enter into the house...as the floor was stabalized finally. But we didn't even make it that far. I started to load up the totes and a lady (working there) came over and told me I can't take anything from the house. I told her that I'm not going to have my pictures sitting there...soaking in totes full of water...and I will take them and dry them out myself. Then some guy, comes over to me...he was the site supervisor...and told me that they take the most care for pictures. I was confused...how do you claim to take such good care of photos when they are SITTING in water!!!??? I don't care about ANYthing else in the house...pictures. Thats all that I want. PICTURES! Then he said 'do you want my help or not?" I said 'no, I will do it myself!" and loaded them up. Then he came over and said "you know, we had a fire at a school-thats why we didn't get to your pictures yet!" I was so pissed off. A fire at a school...OVERNIGHT...a friggin portable. BIIIIG damn fricken deal. 400,000 damage. Wow, big crappen deal. Your telling *me* this? Like I shouldn't care about my life possessions? I should care about a stupid school portable. Sorry-not likely. My neighbors Rachel and Jennifer saw me so upset. I was telling them about it and the first little jerk guy...slammed his tool down and said "you know, can you stop nagging already?" I started BAWLING. My neighbors were taken back. I told him, you know I am not even talking to you and I am angry! I'm venting to my neighbors and not you! and he said "well God, shut up already!" I just wanted to hop the fence and slap his childish little face. I am ANGRY. I'm a BITCH. I told him maybe he should consider another job where he doesn't need to have compassion. I told him my house is gone and everything in it. Sorry, I don't agree with his crew raking the grass or sweeping the driveway...pick through my DAMN pictures and make themselves useful. Then he piped up and pointed to my face "do you know that I was here until 9pm the other night taking out 4 boxes of pictures for you?" My neighbor said "did you get paid for that?" and he said "yeah" she said "well then don't act like you are doing anyone a favor. thats your job...fire and water restoration!" and he said something else...HAD to have the last word. I finally said..your kidding me..your arguing with me..you saw the inside of my house...you know that we have NOTHING left and your sitting here trying to argue with me? Nice. It was a bad bad day. I was to the point that if they weren't going to go in, I would. But it would kill me. Fabe went upstairs today and said its really really bad. We didn't think it was 'that' bad. But he said "Tara, its really bad!" and took pics with his cell phone. I don't want to bother. I don't want to even look in there. I stood in the living room today and it was horrible. Just devastating. I keep asking myself if this is real? I can't believe that my house is burnt down. Soon, they will just bulldoze it. My baby. My everything. What I would give to crawl into that bed. Or sit down and scrapbook in my room. How I had it so organzied and set up. All of the hours that I enjoyed scrapbooking. Its just so so sad. I dont' know if I will scrapbook anymore. Honestly. It feels like this pit in my stomach will never let up. I can't look back to the blog of house stuff. It will break my heart and its already broken. My mom called in the midst of this all. She knew that I was bawling...she came over. She saw the burnt stack of pictures...she saw the unidentifiable things...things that I don't even know what they are or where they came from. Just moulds of plastic melted together.

Today I got a great package...it had lunch kits. It made me cry even seeing those. The kids have been taking Walmart bags! And Freezer packs! Just perfect!!!! The kids were super happy! Everyone has been great. Yesturday they got some gift cards for their favorite stores. Makes me feel happy that people have thought about what they like...thank you to all...honestly. Stuff is nice, but thoughts are great too! I'm happy to think that they will have clothing in their closets now...and posters for their walls...lunchkits for their lunches..Kennedy had 18 Webkins from her last hospital stay in June...only 5 months ago was she in there. And I thought about how horrible life was back then...stuck in the U of A for 2 weeks. That was horrible enough...but still this is nothing compared to that. What a bad year it has been for us. Really...I'm going to be happy to get rid of this year....Kennedy was so sick...then the unplanned pregnancy, then losing the baby, then the fire..so much in only 5 months. Then I wonder, what did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why us? I try to be a good person, I really do. I hurt when people are hurting...I am sad when people are sad...I really try to help people when I can. I dont get it. Why me....

Anyhow, tomorrow we are suppose to get furniture...we'll see. I'm worried about sleeping in a house. But I will be happy to get out of here!!! the kids seem better...they are scared though too. I guess time will tell.

Friday.

I use to be so happy whenever Friday came around. This weekend is not going to be a happy one...we will try to keep ourselves busy. We have the keys to the house already but since we don't have any furniture yet we cannot move in. Its so annoying. We are stuck in this stupid hotel room. Its a room (tiny) with 2 double beds. All it has is a bar fridge. We have to live out of this room. Making the kid's lunches is not easy with only a tiny fridge to store stuff. I keep forget to buy some freezer packs. And the poor kids are using Walmart bags for lunchkits. I feel so sad for them. Ugh. I drove by the house last night. I worked at the daycare all day on trying to get that up and done...so much to do there too. We are hoping to have it all finished painting this weekend. We have too. Our goal is to open Jan 1st so there is SO much to do...and buy. Our house, its so sad going there. I bawled uncontrollably while I was there last night. Bandit knows our street and he was soooo happy to be going 'home' but when he jumped out of the car and couldn't get into the area, as the fence is all the way around the property. It was sad. He just wants more then anything too, to be at home. The feeling is so horrible. Like a death. Something you constantly think about and miss. Just the things that we took for granted. The feeling of pulling into the garage and walking in the front door...feeling like 'ahhhh, I'm home'. Or the warmth of the fireplace burning in the livingroom. Just so much. I hate this feeling. Buts its a horrible one, feeling like all of your most important belongings are gone. Things you worked so hard to buy, things you thought about 'should we buy it?" we JUST bought our new bedroom furniture only a few months ago. We finally finished the bedroom. And it looked so good. Painting my house was a horrible chore..but it was so worth it. I was so proud of my accomplishment and it was something we have been saying for so long that we needed to do, and I finally did it. I picked each color...3 different colors. Ugh.

Today the carpets are getting cleaned at the new rental house. Its a beautiful house too. And it will be fine. Its very secure. But not a fenced backyard...and an alley runs back there. I will be anxious about that. But once it snows and I can see footprints I will feel better. But its has security cameras and motion detectors that tell you if/when something is back there. So it should be okay. Its a home. We are frusterated that our stuff could be possibly saved and no one is taking it out!!! They were working on making the basement beans safer as they all burnt and the kitchen floor and hallway is very unsafe....a fire fighter fell through. We have a HUGE hole in the middle of our kitchen....therefore that house is off limits to anyone until the floor is more safe to walk on. Then they said they will take out what they can. I am soooo worried about my photoalbums and scrapbooks. I miss scrapbooking so much. I only finally bought the Cricut a few weeks ago...only used it 2 times since all the stuff going on prior to the fire was going on. But I had a few pages gone up, of our trip to Canmore and stuff like that done. I can't believe my pictures and albums might be all gone. They did take out a few from the living room...but thats all. Even our wedding picture was really damaged. I know things can only get better from here but I don't see an end in sight. I always have a feeling of saddness. I always feel so down. I hardly take calls anymore. I can't bear to talk to anyone. I break down too much.

Yesturday, some wonderful people gave us stuff. Its amazing how much people come together in times like this. Especially people that dont really know you. Giving things, sending a daily message to say they are thinking of you, cards, etc....its wonderful to know. 5 days ago we lost everything that meant anything to us...and peoples lives goes on...but ours has done nothing but stand still...I hope to be happy again...

What a horrible life I have....

Just a few days ago I was so excited about my new opportunity as a daycare owner. The next day, Nov 1st I worked from 8am-11pm on my new daycare. The whole family was there and things were so much fun. We returned home at 11pm and Fabe and Mack went up stairs. I let the dog out, Kennedy warmed up a Boost. Fabe and I watched tv for a little while in bed, in our room while Mack was on his computer in his room. Kennedy was laying in her bed watching tv. Just before 12am we put the kids to bed and turned off the tv ourselves and went to bed. We planned to be at the daycare early the next day to work, work and work some more. At about 3am I woke up to a weird crackling sound. I layed there listening for a while and noticed our house seemed rather light...for that time of the night and the sound was only getting louder and louder...I immediately woke up Fabian and told him someone was doing 'something' to our windows downstairs. He grabbed his glasses and took off downstairs and began to scream 'get out of the house, get out of the house!!!" and I thought someone was in there...I went to the stairwell and noticed the amber lights on the side window. I clued in...a fire!!!!! I told Fabe to get the kids, and I ran back to the room and called '911'. I was on the corded phone in our bedroom on the upper level...Fabe went out with the kids...the 911 operator was insisting that I remain on the phone, I was arguing with her "My house in on fire, I'm upstairs...I have to get out!" she was saying I needed to remain on the line...I heard the fire alarms sounding...in the house and I knew that I needed to get out...fast...I was telling her this when the alarm system cut into the phone line...I ran down the stairs to the front door and my living room was covered in flames...I got outside and Mack was in his boxers and Kennedy in a nighty. Fabe passed me Bandit and we noticed that the fire was spreading to the fence and up the house....I told Fabe to go wake up the neighbors....the kids were screaming outside...which woke up the majority of the immediate neighbors...suddenly the fire jumped the fence and went right to the neighbors house...fabe got them out...just in time!!!! He went to Rachels house (other side of us) to wake her up as she was there with her kids and her dh out of town. Fabe was only in his boxers too. Me, I was in a tiny pair of shorts with one of Fabe's tanks tops. It was cold too! We watched helplessly as our house...the one we built only 4 yeas ago burnt. And there was nothing we could do about it. Fabe's quick thinking got the propane, gas and other accellerants out of the garage. Our block was full now, I was screaming "WHERE IS 911?" as we watched the fire gut our home...and then the neighbors...Fabe was crying, sobbing uncontrollably..I called my mom...and told her...woke her up...screaming...she immediately came down...got the kids...the kids were a wreck..she took them and the dog. It was horrible....the worst possible thing you can think about happening. The police and fire invertigators told us to come to the van to talk...we could only leave our house...burning...and later the room falling in....we were in complete shock...neighbors dressed us...piece by piece...it was so sad. So, surreal...just something that I thought that I would never be faced with....it just doens't happen to us.

That was only 3 days ago, and as I recall this...my teeth are chattering....and I'm shaking. I still can't believe it. We literally left with the (neighbors) shirts on our backs...not even our own shoes...just horrible. The house that I just love so much. I can't bare to look at my blog from this summer...just the feeling that my house gave me...so much joy. I was proud of my home...I worked hard to buy each thing. I placed each item 'just so' it was my pride and joy maintaining such a nice home. One that I was proud of. Then there is the things that I can't replace...the kids pictures, the scrapbooks I made...the many many albums of the kids from babies to now...this past summer album of all of our camping trips...its just sooo sad. Since the fire, no one has gone in. A fire investigator fell through the kitchen floor, as the fire entered through the dryer vent and went into thebasment..where my scrapbooking stuff is..some parts of the house are 'so good' and I can't wait to have those items back...but other items I will never ever see again :o( and it breaks my heart. That feeling of 'my bed' being so comfy and warm...knowing I will never ever again sleep in my bedroom. The bedding in Kennedys room since she was 2 years old...gone. Her procedure bear...from a nurse when she was born...she took that bear everywhere when she had bloodwork or whatever...every single hospital stay the bear 'teddy' was there. As soon as we got outside from the fire...she was screaming for her Teddy....she knew she needed it. Mack loved his room, as most preteens do. He had it set up just as he loved it...but its all gone. He even left without his glasses...that we just bought...

But we all got out safely. Yes, I'm grateful for that. But I'm missing my house so much. All of the years of gathering stuff. All of my Christmas stuff...all of the things we shopped so cautiously for...deciding on where each item willbe. I loved dispplaying all of our travel stuff...gone...the Cuba man and lady I bought that I so much loved....gone...everything..gone. The things I have been saving since I was a little girl...my childhood diaries..my children's first outfits...the papers from their birthdays...ugh...so much...how do you get past that???

We are at a hotel now. Its been yucky. We had no clothes. We bought some. Plus, we got Mack some contacts and then ordered another pair of glasses...we each have a few outfits now...not nearly enough yet...but its better then the jammies we left with.

Things are hard. We cry so much in a day....I hate this life....I really do. I took my house for granted...

I loved that house...

The fire investigaton is now over. We thought it was arson..but it was the power. I'm sure it will turn into a big investigation...its nice to know someone wasn't trying to kill us! But will we ever sleep again, soundly???

We rented a house, its around the same area...so thats nice. I'm scared to sleep there. Up there. No windows on the side of the house...that side window could have saved our lives...ugh...

Anyhow, lifes been complete and utter hell...I can't see being happy anytime soon. I just want to wake up, and be back to my life....I miss it soooo much...I miss cooking supper. I miss, the warmth....of my home. We designed that home. We put SO much effort into building it...we loved that house....

Todays the day...

One great opportunity and one sad thing. Bittersweet.

Good news first?

1) I have a really great opportunity coming my way! It came on Monday...the SAME day the dr. told me my levels are drastically lower then my last blood tests. I am soooooo excited about this opportunity its making the bad thing sooo much easier to deal with. Which is good! I will know...100% today. My friend Lisa is being so wonderful and taking it on while I'm at the hospital getting my d and c done...I can't wait to call her as soon as its over and see whats going on!!!!

2) As I said, I did loose the pregnancy. Today is my procedure to completely get rid of the pregnancy 'stuff'...lovely. I'm okay though. My dr has been just awesome and called me the other day and said 'you know what Tara, I'm not going to let you go into the weekend with this on your mind...its been on long enough!" and booked me...no more waiting for it to happen...so thankfully Fabe is off anyhow today...so we are going to the hospital to have it done...then I have to stay there for a little while to ensure no excessive bleeding, pain, etc...then home...I can't wait to be back here...I actually just can't wait for it ALL to be over with...and I can get back onto the pill and book Fabe's snipping appt...

Anyhow....thanks for the well wishes from the other post...I do believe that things happen for a reason...and while we had plans and hopes for this child of ours...we know that dealing with another child with CF would have been soooooo hard on all of us...but we would have done it...but sometimes I think about how much I wouldn't have enjoyed being pregnant this time...I' ve seen WAY too many sick kids over the years and I would have been so anxious, miserable, etc...still...I'm trying to convince myself....

tara

Hmmmmmmm

So today I went to the dr's and I had my first prenatal physical booked. The nurse told me not to worry about changing as the dr wanted to talk to me first. Weird, I thought. Then, she came in and told me that my bloodwork is very, very low which would indicate a weak pregnancy or a pregnancy that is not proceeding. She didn't give me a number, which I'm going to ask for this afternoon or tomorrow when she calls back. So I repeated my blood work today and she said she will call me. As she will have something to compare it too and that it should have gone up lots since my last blood work. BUT, she didn't do my physical or anything..she just talked to me and then told me that sometimes the body 'takes care of this naturally' or other times you might have to go for a D & C procedure to remove the tissue. But she will see about my blood test and go from there. About a week ago, I began to feel really good. I stopped taking the Diclectin and wasn't unusally exhausted anymore...I have been feeling super good. As well, my breasts are no longer tender. I was telling dh this last week that I didn't feel pregnant anymore which was weird as I was only close to 8 weeks pregnant...and usually the symptoms begin to peak 8-12 weeks. Now, I'm kinda annoyed that I told anyone...just Saturday I told my neighbors and stuff. Now I have to explain to everyone that I miscarried. My dr. talked to me like in fact I had, but she said the blood work will confirm it. Then we will wait. She asked about if we are going to try again...I told her no...and that I wanted to seek a perm. birth control.

So not really too sure, But I do honestly have a feeling that I did miscarry...I just 'feel' it. I haven't been crampy or anything else but she told me that once the body recognizes that its no longer a developing fetus it will 'dispose' of it...and she told me what to look for and when I would need to go to the hospital...lovely...

Anyhow, I'm doing okay. I'm kinda tired of this roller coaster of a ride...happy, unhappy, happy, unhappy, etc...but I think I will be fine...

So I will post more once I know the blood results...but once again...I'm preparing myself for the worst..but hoping for the best...but I have little hope...I believe you need to go with your gut and I have a strong feeling about this...

Tara

a little update...

So last week I found out some unexpected news. We are expecting #3! I was completely shocked and devastated. I love the way our life is right now. And I just can't imagine changing it...but we enjoyed a family weekend away in Canmore last weekend for Thanksgiving and I came to terms with it all. And now I'm fine with it. Everything will be okay...tonight I go to see a family doctor to get a referral to an Ob/Gyn and then hopefully my first ultrasound. Of course, the BIG factor is the 25% chance of having another child with CF. Which is quite a possibility at this point. A 1:4 chance...who knows. Everyone is asking if I will find out while pregnant. I don't think that I can...even if baby has CF he/she will only show that he/she is a carrier...(like Kennedy) as Fabians rare CF gene has not yet been identified..so it complicates getting tested...so I'm not sure. I do imagine they will order a sweat test and possibly an xray to ensure it doesn't have the same obstruction as Kennedy had at birth which required surgery. I just pray that he/she is born healthy...but if it does have CF then at least this time I will be MUCH more prepared and it won't be as devastating as it was when Kennedy was born and diagnosed with it. I won't have to run home to the internet, adjust to giving meds, etc, etc, etc...I will be okay...but I do hope he/she is born without it..but ya never know...

So thats my news!

I'm 6 weeks along...feeling okay....mild headaches....queezy tummy and suuuuuper tired....ugh. Getting Nothing around here! But oh well......

Thursday!

Well Kennedy's appt was crazzzy long. I hate that, they always take forever! Anyhow, all is good BUT, she has been having lots of tummy pains. Not 'sick' type of pains but hurting-pains. Anyhow, the dr is concerned as she has been having this forever...we had her appendix removed and 3 years ago her gallbladder. Anyhow, she still has the pains which we thought was gallstone attacks. The surgeon on the other hand, said 'no, its not her gallbladder, but since she has gall stones we are going to remove it". So we did so. Every once in a while her tummy still has 'attacks', if you will. They last 15 mins and then she is fine. Doesn't matter before or after eating....sleeping or awake. They just happen. Anyhow, so he checked her tummy over...it was very loud. Something that he said sometimes when you have had tummy surgery, little scar tissues begin to form and increase in size....since she had her small bowel operated on at birth...and she has a HUGE scar from hip to hip...he thinks that she has too much tissue built up in there and that its causing the bowel to actually kink up while 'stuff' is travelling through the bowel. He thinks that its causing a partial obstruction (which we have had before!!!). SO, he is doing an ultrasound to rule out anything else that it could be...but it also could be her liver as her liver enzymes have been elevated in the past (which she takes meds daily for) but he just wants to make sure its not enlarged or anything weird. So she has an ultra sound Oct 29th @ 7:45 am. From there, we will see. He asked Kennedy to leave the room and go get a cookie or chocolate milk (in the little waiting area) and so she did. Then he said the *S* word...surgery. He will wait to see the ultrasound results, which he suspects will be normal then he will talk with her surgeon (Dr. Lees) to see what he thinks...and they might have to go in there and laser some tissue away....greeeeat! The issue he said is, the more we keep going in...the more we are risking it only happening every few years still. She has had SOOOO many surgeries now...lets see...bowel resection, appendix, gall bladder, sinuses, adenoids, PICC line and now possibly this....man oh man. My poor baby. But they know her well there....Kennedy is TOUGH. For this girl to complain to anyone...is telling us that there is something going on. So thankfully I don't have to plead that to them..they just know.

Anyhow, hopefully everything will be fine. They are super happy with her weight gain of 2 pds since June. She is in the 50-75th percentile for height and weight. Good good. Her lungs are/were nice and clear..and I said 'were' because EVERY time we come back from the clinic she ends up with a cold/cough. Yup, today she said she coughed SO much at school and her cough sounds yucky! But, I'm not too worried...we will just increase her treatments and she will be fine. A dr that we use to see, saw us at the hospital yesturday...she is great! She saw Kennedy and was like "omg!!! Kennedy you look SO good...oh wow, you look just great! Oh my gosh, you look wonderful! You are doing so good!" she was so sweet! She said "mom, you are just doing awesome!!!! Look at her! She looks excellent!" I was secretly smiling...someone can appreciate the hard work we do...there was a mom at the CF clinic with 2 GREAT looking CF children. I mean, they both looked AWESOME! They both had just the right amount of fat on them. They were a boy and girl. The mom, came out while they got weighed...wrote down in her little notebooks about their weight gains...she could compare it to their last few visits...she wrote down their height...the one nurse/medical person said "is that their files?" and kinda laughed...jokingly. The mom said "you know, I have every weight and height measurement in here since they were little..." I thought, wow. What a great idea! I mean, I know in my head her weight and height. And I can always tell if Kennedy has lost or gained (always in her bum!!!) if she has a bum..she's gaining good. If not, then I need to fatten her up! She looks good now. A little bit of a reserve on her. Then there is the extreme different...a girl about 12 years was in the waiting room with us...coughing....she just looked sickly...it was so sad. Plus she was kinda 'awkward' looking too...bad teeth, greasy kinda hair, glasses that didn't fit her shape of her face, and very *very* skinny. So skinny that her skinny jeans...were baggy on her :o( It was sad. Anything can happen with Kennedy's weight too. I know that. But I feel sad for her (this girl) its hard enough being not-the-best-looking then being soooo super skinny...and having to battle to breath and cough all day long. I can't imagine what life might be like for her...God bless her...

I'm very happy with Kennedy. I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She is perfect to me...CF or not. I'm lucky to have the most beautiful girl and most handsome boy...how did I ever get so lucky (*smile*). Anyhow...life could be worse...so I am thankful for what I DO have....

Wow, I'm sure typing alot today.

Its 3:35pm. I have a dr's appt for a medical tongiht for the dayhome agency. But today I got offically 'approved' and I'm an offical provider. The little 3 month old is starting next week...yeah!!!! I'm ready for him. Today was Kennedy's early day...so I already picked her up. I have Chicken Supreme in the oven already. Today I cleaned the oven. Tomorrow, I'm very happy as I have NOTHING planned. The last 2 days have been utter rush-days. I hate that....so tomorrow, I will do whatever...the house is clean as I tidied up a bit today...this morning.

I got a Wii Fit...yeah!!!! Its sooooo cool! I'm going to TRY to use it daily...its super fun!

Other then that, not too much is new!

I realized how boring my blog is getting...

Sorry...since we reformatted this computer its been crappy trying to get everything back to normal. The printer STILL does NOT work...when I hook up my camera...nothing works. Its crappy! One day...soon ;o)

Today is Wednesday, I'm finished most of the dayhome stuff that I needed to do. I have to run to the store and buy a few more things (more outlet covers and 2 more door know covers). I brought in my sisters old high chair from the garage that she was going to give to Amanda...but Amanda only wants brand new (picky girl!). So I grabbed the opportunity..as its very nice. So I cleaned it all down/up. I *tried* to put together the new bouncy chair I bought from Zellers last night...no such luck!!!Leave it for Fabe. I got rid of the wine that was stored in the wine racks...we can't have it out anymore...into the garage fridge it goes...and arranged the stuff in the new diaper bag....my mom brought over my bassinette. I got it when Mack was born then I used it for Kennedy then my sister used it for both of her boys...then Amanda...its the family one...so I'm using it for only the month...then I will switch over to the playpen...

I'm getting really excited to be over the set up part and just have a couple little ones around here again :o) My nephews are going to be thrilled when they come to aunties house again, since I have TOYS now...poor kids. Aunty just always had a pretty house...now I have bins and tons of toys in the basement and baskets on each level....things will gradually move up and around..I'm not going to worry about toys as they are easy enough to pick up...

Well, I have the chicken marinating in the fridge. Its Chicken Oregeno...you use 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 tbsp oregno and 1 tsp of garlic salt...marinate for 4 hrs then bake for 1 hour at 350. Never tried it....new recipe...from the cookbook. Not sure what kind of side dish yet though (hmmm) maybe rice or a pasta...with brussel sprouts!

Nutrisystem is going really good. I think I'm down about 6 pds...in 1.5 weeks. Its soooooo easy...I love that its all packaged and ready to go. Nothing to think about...nothing to calculate...just easy. And the food....yummmmyyy!!!!! I belong to small facebook group from LPers who are on it...its really suppotive for one another. We are ALL doing good. We check in everyday and share what we ate and what not. Pretty good!

I have to go get ready, Kennedy has a dr's appt at the U of A for 2:30pm but I have some stops to make first...

Tara

Tuesday!

Today I was kinda bored. I thought that I would go to my old work and visit with my old co-workers! I'm so glad that I did! I have missed them so very much! Things are good there tho! I went to Zellers and bought the lock for my med box and they had a Fisher Price bouncy chair on sale for 40.00 so I bought that...and then a diaper bag and other stuff to put in the diaper bag. I'm sure the family has one, but I would prefer to use my own therefore in case I loose it, or whatever...

The lady is coming Thursday morning to offically approve me :o)

Baby starts next week...

What else? Today I didn't do much AT ALL. Kinda a 'do whatever day', it was nice. We ALL need one of those every once in a while...so it was nice...

Tomorrow morning I have stuff to do around here for preparing for the dayhome...and then Kennedy has a CF appt in the afternoon...

Well anyhow, ttyl!

Tara