Hey :o)

Thought that I would check in. Not to much is new. We went to Fort Mac on Monday for a visit with my sister and her family. It was great, my dad was up there too so I was able to see him. We ended up staying for 3 night rather then the 1 we had planned for. We spent New Years up there too. We went to my sisters neighbors house (my Uncles neighbor too) for N. Y's and it was great. It was soooooo nice to sleep in aplace (sisters) thats familiar. Night time has been hard since being back here, I worry someone is going to try to start our house on fire...while we are sleeping. I wish it didn't happen while we were sleeping...nighttime makes me really anxious...and bedtime is actually almost 'painful'...it almost hurts to go to bed. We ALL have counselling appt on Friday, so thats good...I don't want to go with the kids and Fabian...I don't want the kids to know how I feel...as I act like I'm okay. Anyhow, we will begin the healing process...the sooner the better. I feel that I can't sleep good here, because Fabe would have slept through the fire...and so would have the kids....they are deep sleepers. But I'm usually a deep sleeper too, but now I have to be on edge...I might not hear something if I sleep well. Its horrible. It really really is...the fire alarm NEVER went off as it was buring on the outside of the house..so had I not woken up then we would have kept sleeping and possibibily the roof would/could have collapsed on us while we were sleeping...we would have all died. Macks room was the very very worst, his bed is just burnt metal..ugh...anyhow. You get the point...I can't sleep worth crap....

The house. Nothing is happening on that part. They are still (wasting time) trying to decide if they are going to put down new foundation...so the burnt damaged one has been sitting now for 2 months in brutal cold, snow and moisture and they might want to build a house on it???? My house???? Yeah, no. So we will wait for them to decide then we will fight them (with a lawyer, if need be) that we won't take a repaired foundation. So, hopefully they use common sense and allow it to be removed. We have picked out a new house...but it depends on the foundation. We aren't going to build the exact same layout...but close. We don't want to live with the constant memory of the fire..same layout and everything....I still can't believe that I am typing this. So hopefully they decide soon...I just want to look forward to building again...be excited about something....anything...our other issue is this house....the guy will be back at the end of this month..we aren't sure if we can stay this long as we were told by the contractor that it will take about 9 months for the whole process..and we told this guy that...now our insurance lady said we will be lucky if its done in a year or a year and a half. Yuck. The house builder we picked, submitted a quote already that included taking over the house, right now 'as is' and demolishing it and everything...they just have to 'hand it over' to them and they will take care of it all. She liked that idea, but needs more quotes...grrrrrr!!!! They KNOW it has to come down, so at least work on that...gosh. Something....

Daycare-I'm so excited to focus on that. Its licensed and all approved. We just need kids now!!!! Its beautiful in there. I love it. I really do...having kids there will really be good for me...I just want to play and take my mind off everything else...its like therapy..

And, thats about it...

I welcome 2009 proudly. I have lots of plans for myself...and I hope this time next year we will be in the new house...back in our neighborhood...and I hope that very soon we will get past the anxiety of sleep and nighttime...

Tara