I dont' want to post another whole thing so here my update from LP:
She is doing well. Today was a horrible day for her and I. After 1 week of being here, its just adding up for the both of us...its just so hard to see all of these sick children...everywhere. I'm just so thankful for my children, because of my Gosh...CF is bad but so is cancer, multiple handicaps, huge tumors on the face, etc, etc, etc...I hate it. Everywhere I look there is something so bad. And its soo soo sad Honestly, I know that we all tend to take our healthy kids for granted...but may I please remind you all to consider how lucky we are. Kennedy was/is still feeling sorry for herself (as is I)...but I was telling her today to look around...*yes* we have it bad..yes, its not fair to have cf (her words) and yes, Mack (brother) is so lucky because he doesn't have to 'go through this'. But the fact is that we are in here every few years for 2 weeks. There are children in here since the past 2 months, 2 years...or more....we get to go home. We live a pretty normal life. Today was a very hard day for me, due to a hospital policy I was ticked off. But they figured it out today and it works in our favor now, but before it it was making me so sad. Anyhow, its over with now. Plus its been a week. Mack stayed home from school today because 'his tummy hurt' when I know deep down all my little 11 year old boy wants (and needs) is his mommy. Then I feel horrible for 'leaving' him....I have been going to spend some time with him, as I can...but then I feel horrible leaving Kennedy here..I can't win. My dh switched jobs and can NOT take time off during his training...so I don't have much support. Then, my dog has been getting NO attention..and I am totally into my dog and I feel horrible. He's all depressed and screwed up...I freaking out on my dh today knowing full well there is nothing that he can do...my mom has been helping alot with my son...but she lives downtown and its sooo much for her to pick him up after school, take him (downtown) and then drive him back to Millwoods for school in the mornings...he wants to be home more then anything...so finally after crying like 10 times today, I left. I left Kennedy with a volunteer and went home for a few hours...I NEEDED too. I watered my grass (lol) and took my dog for a big walk...and I feel/felt MUCH better...tomorrow Kennedy has her PICC line...she won't be able to eat/drink and I am going to hear about it (it could be all day, just depends when the operating room has an opening). BUT, it could be worse...much more worse.And, we are done in just over a week.Then our life will go on...We will enjoy summer and our lives...And the unit we are on, will still host many of the 'regulars' who have only known this place as home...So, it could be worse...but it could be better. And I'm trying so hard to not be selfish because Kennedy is suffering more then I (I get to go home and escape this place once in a while!)...Anyhow, thanks again...and thanks for reading this vent...
2 comments:
I am very thankful to have two healthy boys, other than asthma and allergies. But thanks for reminding us of all of the children who are in the hospital alot. Thank goodness we have not had to go in that much.
One week to go, and you and your family can do it Tara. That is right think about how great the summer is going to be especially with you not working much. Just a few hours a week.
I'm sorry your family is going through this, I really am :( . Sometimes I take for granted all the good things that my family has (lots of 'stuff', their health, etc.). Your post reminded me that I have to be thankful for all I have.
I remember when my niece was at the Stollery for cancer treatment...seeing some of the kids there was so sad. Kids who had been there for months with no diagnosis and their dr's couldn't figure out how to treat them. My gosh, I'm so lucky but it's so easy to forget, isn't it?
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