My flashback.

Well the last day has been a total flash back of sad feelings.

A 'friend' off my site has had a little one who has been very sick since he has been born. He is now 2 months old and only 8 pounds. He is sooo tiny :( Anyhow, he had RSV which played havoc on his little lungs. He has been in PICU on a vent and everything. Anyhow, I went yesturday and she said it was a good day for me to come and visit (and its my day off!) as he was going for a CF test. I tried to re-assure her that because the test is SO simple to test for they always do it first before other more invasive tests. Anyhow. I was at her room until 12:30 pm when he went down for the test. I went down the hall to visit another 'friends' child, who also was in with RSV (he is 4!) so I stayed there until 2pm. Then had to go home and pick up the kids for early day. I got a message from the 1st mom with the 2month old and she said that the test came back as positive :( Her baby tested postive for CF. Immediately I cried for her. I knew what I went through and its SUCH a horrible diagnosis. I hate knowing that she is feeling what I felt and its so sad :( Your baby no longer is a 'baby' they are now a 'baby with a horrible disease'. I can't lie to her and tell her its wonderful, as it is not. But its not terminal. Its not a death sentence. I *just* know how she is feeling. I felt that once too. Anyhow, I felt the need to be there for her. I told Fabe the news and he was shocked too. I went there, and got there and she was walking down the hall (taking her mind off it) and I called her name and we immediately hugged and embraced each other. She cried, and I felt for her. I truely did. I just wanted to tell her its okay...and thats its going to be okay. With tears rolling down my face, we just walked around a few times in a big loop on the 4th floor. We just walked and talked. We went back to the room, and her best friends were there and her husband. They asked me tons of questions. I could just tell that I helped them to feel a bit better. I told them what they needed to know. They have a lifetime to learn all about CF. Its doesn't have to be learnt today or tomorrow or next week. I remember feeling SO overwhelmed that I couldn't think. They are in a state of shock right now. It hasn't 'really' hit. It will. You come down from the high at some time. And when you do, you feel so sad. When you are at home with a child who needs TONS of medical things, you crash. When you feel like your the only person in the world who deals with all of 'this', you burn out. When you just wish that one feed you could skip the enzymes and just feed your child a bottle like other mothers, it hits you again. I feel so sad for this mom. The next few years are so trying. But one thing that she truley has is a whole lunch of ppl who support her, which I never did. She has a friend taking a week off work to help her. I am so happy to see that she has SO much support....it won't take away the pain or cure the CF but it will help. I will help her as much as I possibly can. I just know what it feels like, and its hell.

Anyhow, I need to vent as I would never post this at my site...this time is about her and her beautiful son. Not me. But here, at MY blog I feel okay posting it. This past day has been a total flashback for me. Totally. I am so glad that we are over those sad feelings but honestly, it took a good 3 years :( And knowing that someone else is going to go through this is so sad...