Todays the day...

One great opportunity and one sad thing. Bittersweet.

Good news first?

1) I have a really great opportunity coming my way! It came on Monday...the SAME day the dr. told me my levels are drastically lower then my last blood tests. I am soooooo excited about this opportunity its making the bad thing sooo much easier to deal with. Which is good! I will know...100% today. My friend Lisa is being so wonderful and taking it on while I'm at the hospital getting my d and c done...I can't wait to call her as soon as its over and see whats going on!!!!

2) As I said, I did loose the pregnancy. Today is my procedure to completely get rid of the pregnancy 'stuff'...lovely. I'm okay though. My dr has been just awesome and called me the other day and said 'you know what Tara, I'm not going to let you go into the weekend with this on your mind...its been on long enough!" and booked me...no more waiting for it to happen...so thankfully Fabe is off anyhow today...so we are going to the hospital to have it done...then I have to stay there for a little while to ensure no excessive bleeding, pain, etc...then home...I can't wait to be back here...I actually just can't wait for it ALL to be over with...and I can get back onto the pill and book Fabe's snipping appt...

Anyhow....thanks for the well wishes from the other post...I do believe that things happen for a reason...and while we had plans and hopes for this child of ours...we know that dealing with another child with CF would have been soooooo hard on all of us...but we would have done it...but sometimes I think about how much I wouldn't have enjoyed being pregnant this time...I' ve seen WAY too many sick kids over the years and I would have been so anxious, miserable, etc...still...I'm trying to convince myself....

tara

Hmmmmmmm

So today I went to the dr's and I had my first prenatal physical booked. The nurse told me not to worry about changing as the dr wanted to talk to me first. Weird, I thought. Then, she came in and told me that my bloodwork is very, very low which would indicate a weak pregnancy or a pregnancy that is not proceeding. She didn't give me a number, which I'm going to ask for this afternoon or tomorrow when she calls back. So I repeated my blood work today and she said she will call me. As she will have something to compare it too and that it should have gone up lots since my last blood work. BUT, she didn't do my physical or anything..she just talked to me and then told me that sometimes the body 'takes care of this naturally' or other times you might have to go for a D & C procedure to remove the tissue. But she will see about my blood test and go from there. About a week ago, I began to feel really good. I stopped taking the Diclectin and wasn't unusally exhausted anymore...I have been feeling super good. As well, my breasts are no longer tender. I was telling dh this last week that I didn't feel pregnant anymore which was weird as I was only close to 8 weeks pregnant...and usually the symptoms begin to peak 8-12 weeks. Now, I'm kinda annoyed that I told anyone...just Saturday I told my neighbors and stuff. Now I have to explain to everyone that I miscarried. My dr. talked to me like in fact I had, but she said the blood work will confirm it. Then we will wait. She asked about if we are going to try again...I told her no...and that I wanted to seek a perm. birth control.

So not really too sure, But I do honestly have a feeling that I did miscarry...I just 'feel' it. I haven't been crampy or anything else but she told me that once the body recognizes that its no longer a developing fetus it will 'dispose' of it...and she told me what to look for and when I would need to go to the hospital...lovely...

Anyhow, I'm doing okay. I'm kinda tired of this roller coaster of a ride...happy, unhappy, happy, unhappy, etc...but I think I will be fine...

So I will post more once I know the blood results...but once again...I'm preparing myself for the worst..but hoping for the best...but I have little hope...I believe you need to go with your gut and I have a strong feeling about this...

Tara

a little update...

So last week I found out some unexpected news. We are expecting #3! I was completely shocked and devastated. I love the way our life is right now. And I just can't imagine changing it...but we enjoyed a family weekend away in Canmore last weekend for Thanksgiving and I came to terms with it all. And now I'm fine with it. Everything will be okay...tonight I go to see a family doctor to get a referral to an Ob/Gyn and then hopefully my first ultrasound. Of course, the BIG factor is the 25% chance of having another child with CF. Which is quite a possibility at this point. A 1:4 chance...who knows. Everyone is asking if I will find out while pregnant. I don't think that I can...even if baby has CF he/she will only show that he/she is a carrier...(like Kennedy) as Fabians rare CF gene has not yet been identified..so it complicates getting tested...so I'm not sure. I do imagine they will order a sweat test and possibly an xray to ensure it doesn't have the same obstruction as Kennedy had at birth which required surgery. I just pray that he/she is born healthy...but if it does have CF then at least this time I will be MUCH more prepared and it won't be as devastating as it was when Kennedy was born and diagnosed with it. I won't have to run home to the internet, adjust to giving meds, etc, etc, etc...I will be okay...but I do hope he/she is born without it..but ya never know...

So thats my news!

I'm 6 weeks along...feeling okay....mild headaches....queezy tummy and suuuuuper tired....ugh. Getting Nothing around here! But oh well......