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Friday, February 20, 2009

An update...

Well. We have had some progress in terms of the house. The house, the house, the house..ALL we seem to think and talk about. We picked out another house a while back. We waited forever for insurance to give the 'go ahead' which they did Friday. Tomorrow we are going to sign off the offer for the builder and go from there. Of course, we have added in some things that we want (and had before!!!!) so we will have to pay from pocket. Ugh. So hopefully they will get it going soon. Its the permits they said that will take a while. The demo one, then building, etc. The house looks horrible..half standing. Poor thing...I go there sometimes and only stand in the front entrance now as its very unstable...but I go there when I feel like being home...I love that house and I never want to forget it. I was going through some pictures on albums that I have saved on Snapfish and I have sooooo many photos of the house. Thankfully I have reordered them. I don't know what to do with them, but something for the kids I think. A story of our house...as we lived there for almost 5 years...its the home they will always remember too. It STILL surreal to me. I sometimes just turn down that street and then remember...this isn't the way home...and have to turn back around. Sometimes, I just go there. I open up the security fence and sneak in there...last time I just sat on the back deck remembering all of my love for the backyard in the summers...my flowers, Kennedy and the neighbor girls on the trampoline...firepits back there...so much. So we'll see what I will do with the photos but its not a rush...I have sooooooooo many things to REscrapbook. Its killing me...so I'm going to start from this past summer as it was a really great summer.

The daycare is good. We have 9 spaces left in the whole daycare now...craaaaazy!!! Last week I was dying, it was SOOOOO busy and understaffed. This week its dead (lots of parents are students and its reading week). But we have full staff now so its MUCH better. Hopefully by summer I will get LOTS of time off. I miss the kids so much...I feel like I really need some times with them...I use to being home so much more. I miss cooking suppers (In MY kitchen) baking on the weekends...just so much. *sigh*

I have began the long healing process of therapy. It was one day only but I go every week now...I need to find some help with the sleeping thing. Its horrible. I lay awake 'waiting' for something bad to happen. She (my therapist) told me it has more to do with an incident when I was 14 years old and a man broke into my house while I was sleeping....I was traumatized (and I know that!) it took me 10-15 years to sleep alone in a house...and I was 'there' and fine with it. Now, I'm right back to the start. Its so not fair. I check the windows...secuirty camera...listen. We no longer sleep with a fan blowing...I *might* not hear sounds then. Its bad. Really, bad.

Hmmm, what else. I am SO looking forward to camping this summer. More then ever! I can't wait to be in my trailer (our home!!!) and see some of our things. We still have nothing to our names...they are writing off our last remaining furniture...my 33 year old dining set :o(
And, they do have some kitchen stuff of ours they said...but we haven't gotten anything back. I can't wait to have things of ours...old things. I no longer have nothing from my childhood left...sad.

But I'm feeling better. I know that I am on the 'healing path' now...I feel better and function better. Poor memory still, but she said thats common with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome...the kids have yet to be seen....she wants me 'healthy' first....so thats the plan.

Last weekend I bought LOTS of scrapbooking stuff. I thought that I was ready. But I'm not so sure...I 'tried' to do it and couldn't. Instead I ended up upset about the photos that I chose to work on (the summer ones I mentioned before) and seeing them in back shape and seeing them, knowing they were once scrapbooked...all that time, thought that went into it....just sucks. In the new house, Fabian arranged for me to have an actual scrapbooking room. Its going to be a small bedroom sized room in the basement with a window and plugs...(lol) and it will be my space! Not sure if I will be okay with a basement at this point...I NEVER ever ever go down in the basement here despite it being fully developed. I'm still very uneasy about this house...its taking a while. Its on a very busy road and I just am not use to the cars zipping by and the bass booming...and yeah. But all will be fine. Soon summer will come, well as soon as camping season hits...I'm out of here! I really can't wait. I hope to sleep good in there but I've been thinking if a fire started in there...oh my that would sure go up fast.

Today the fire investigator called again. Well actually he called at the start of Feb. for a 3 month follow up. Plus, he had to get his full fire investigation report in to insurance so back a few weeks ago he asked more about the power when the fire happened. We know we had partial power only..as when I woke up the digital cable box (to see the clock) wasn't on nor was the fan. He wasn't certain it was the power metre. It made me feel insecure. What could it have been then? A person? But he explained they have had 3 electricians look at it and they all feel power. So anyhow, today he called and said that they had hydrovac'd up the service line and he is now 100% certain it was power....looking at the wire. Not sure what the wire proved (someone told me it could have been spliced) not sure....anyhow. It my insurance company is going to sue our builder (who will sue the electrical company) then I'm thinking we will follow up too. Not to 'get rich' but to make up for the stupid 20% that they don't compensate, for our missed work, time to get new passorts, all new ID, search through contents and the 300 page lists, time for running around to showhomes looking at plans, etc...most of all the emotional health. I'm not a 'suer' never sued anyone....been in car accidents didn't try to get money...but in this case..this has affected my WHOLE life...my whole family has been affected. Knowing someone installed shitty work to save time or wire..doesn't sit well with me...knowing it was 'supposily' inspected and passed...I don't know. The same electrical company is the one our new builder uses...I'm NOT okay with that. When they know its our house...yeah...nope. Not gonna happen.... but we haven't contacted a lawyer or anything....but I'm still in the angry phase and if someone is responsible I want to see them suffer (sound horrible, I know!!!)

Anyhow....but I AM doing okay...

This week my sister will be down for teachers convention...her nanny will be watching my kids so thats good. We don't have any major plans or anything soon. I'm thinking we could all use a trip to Jasper or something though...so we will see. And, other then that...not too much. Waiting for winter to leave us...looking forward to spring...getting the trailer (did I mention that yet???) and then camping!!!!